nifties | I want to see your guard down // I want to know what's under there

I want to see your guard down // I want to know what's under there

It takes them entirely too long to realize their brave captain is missing, all things considered. John almost thinks it's a spell, how caught up everyone is in the aftermath of the fight and the victory. There's a celebration and laughter - more laughter than he can remember in his recent past. Nate's laugh especially is infectious, making him laugh every time despite himself. His arm around Zari's shoulder shakes and he catches her eyes and even in the midst of this crowded party he has to kiss her. He keeps it brief, but it telegraphs his intentions well enough, and he only separates from her long enough to get them both a drink.

Then it's like reality cracks and fizzles, the wall coming down suddenly as they all realize simultaneously that something is very wrong. The cups slip from John's grip, nonalcoholic punch and whatever potent concoction was in his mix falling to the ground. It seems to splatter in slow motion, staining his shirt beyond repair, something he doesn't have a chance to react to when Ava suddenly starts yelling, "Where's Sara?" Where, indeed. His expression screws up, wondering how they were all enchanted to think she was never here when despite her flaws, she's arguably the glue that holds this rag-tag group together. And what brought them together, to begin with.

Never one to get involved with the grander overtures of an emotional situation, he instead sidles up to Behrad and asks if he has any more of those magic mushrooms. With a finger to his lips, he's making his way back to Zari and gripping her arm, harder than he means to. "Something strange is afoot. Up for a trip?" He holds up the baggy for her and lifts an eyebrow. It isn't like him to ask for help before getting into trouble, but he knows she can handle herself, having already been on a visionquest herself. Besides, there's something appealing about getting to the bottom of this together.

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It feels like everyone has a huge weight off their chest. What went down with the Fates was pretty much what nightmares are made of. She knows those will come when the high of being together again wears off. The entire team died save for her, John, and Charlie in pretty brutal ways. She knows that wasn't fate. Her magical boyfriend made a conscious choice to keep her safe over the others even after she couldn't be more clear that Behrad was her first choice. Their separation, brainwashing, and possession didn't help things either even if she's weirdly satisfied she definitely backseat drove other Zari into getting John back first. It was the least she owed her after using her body to make out with Nate. (Another topic in therapy, she's sure.)

Zari throws herself in the now to avoid it. It helps that they're all as happy as she dreamed they'd be before it all went to Hell. John laughs so much that she doesn't think she'll ever stop smiling from the sound of it. When they kiss she doesn't even remember to care what people see or think. It's the best parts of their 90s trip with their friends as an added bonus. She almost wonders if she remembered it wrong and this is her version of Heaven. She thinks she'd be okay with that. They're together. This is how it was meant to be.

She catches Ava's eyes as she waits for John to come back with their drinks and suddenly she knows better even before the scream comes. Someone is screwing with them again. It lights a fire in her. Ava is arguably the closest thing to a best friend she's ever had. She won't let her keep losing Sara like this.

She's trying to comfort the other woman from what she can only assume are many flashbacks to the war when John grabs her. Zari just barely avoids hitting him, hand raised like she's going to slap him. She's pissed they're really doing this again. She'd be remorseful if that didn't change the narrative for a second. This is the opening she needs to help their co-captain snap out of it.

Zari quickly nods to John, hand lowering before catching Ava's eyes and holding them. She offers up a smile dripping with confidence and reassurance; like it's a foregone conclusion they're going to win and resume the party. "We've got the magic angle covered. You got the rest, boss." She exhales audibly when that gives Ava the push to herd the other losers into being useful.

Zari returns her attention to John properly. "Well? What are we waiting for?" Like she didn't stop the narrative to give a pep talk.

He's too focused to react to the almost-hit in the moment, though he rubs her arm briefly in apology. He does make a mental note not to do that again, though, waiting for her to peptalk Ava before more gently taking her hand and leading her out towards the library. It is tradition to trip balls in there. Once they're out of earshot of the others, he laces their hands and brings her a bit closer to talk lowly.

"You're good with them." All he can do is make ill-timed jokes and run away until he has an answer for anyone on what to do.

His touch does a lot to sooth her. Tellingly hangs tightly onto his hand as they walk only loosening enough to allow him to lace their fingers together. "They're my family now too. I have to take care of them." No pretense or silly quips. Her grief would have swallowed her whole if not for the them. At least to John she plans to be honest about it. He deserves as much for sticking by her at her very worst.

Her gaze softens further as she adds, "Sorry for freaking out back there. I swear I'm investing in a good therapist the second we have Sara back."

He can feel her relax and it makes him feel better about everything as long as they're alone. It's devastating, the crash after the high of that victory lap. How could they forget Sara? How could he?

"What- no, luv," he argues, a bit distracted as he belatedly takes the right turn in the hall. Sometimes he still gets lost in this stupid place, but he can navigate an ever-changing haunted house layout without any trouble. Go figure. "It's not your fault. I grabbed you."

The last thing he wants to talk about right now is therapy, but she probably would benefit from it better than an obstinate bastard like himself. It just brings back unpleasant memories of shock treatment for him, really.

She watches him like a hawk out of the corner of her eye. Zari would never guess about his history with mental health even if it's not a huge leap. A little kid being into the occult probably set off a lot of warning bells if she paused to think about it to say nothing of the list of dead friends and exs.

Zari assumes Sara is weighing on his mind. She knows they have history and no she's not thinking of the 70s. She appreciates he bothers to reassure her all the same even if he never slacked in that department. He may not have had the right words, but he always tried even when she was nasty towards him.

She shoots him an easy smile and jokes, "And I vividly recall being really into that before so it's not your fault either." Just another thing that's changed. Zari doubles down on reassuring him as they get closer to the library. She likes Sara, but they're not close. She's determined to be there for him as he rightfully deals with the fear of potentially losing another friend.

"It's going to be okay. We find Sara, let Ava get the biggest piece of whoever is screwing with us because God she has earned it, and then we finish partying. Easy peasy." She reluctantly lets go of his hand once they arrive so she can start setting up pillows and blankets for them to do this on. Safety first!!!

Her stomach still flips every time she has to pass the spot Behrad died on, but she pushes through it. They're going back to that perfect moment where they were all together and happy even if she has to take on God Himself to make it happen. They deserve a break.

He snorts at the callback, entertaining a brief hungry look in her direction while knowing full well they have no time to act on it. It's like she has time-agent PTSD and he doesn't like that at all, but that doesn't mean it's a big sacrifice to telegraph his movements. That should probably ring warning bells when usually he hates being inconvenienced even marginally, but it helps that right now he's very distracted.

"You're right, luv. Whomever - or whatever took Captain Lance won't know what hit 'em when we're through." And he means that, though their relationship was once cold and impersonal (and that was when they had sex, go figure) John now considers Sara one of his closest friends. Someone he can trust and even rely on, something he hasn't had in a very long time. He swallows as Zari lets go to set up the room and he nods, repeating her dully, "Easy peasy."

If he believes it maybe he can manifest it, right? He sits down amongst the pillows and pulls out the baggy, preparing himself mentally for whatever fucked up shit they're about to encounter. He waits for her to settle in across him before offering her a smaller dried piece and picking out his.

"On three?"

She settles in close enough that their knees touch. If there's one thing she learned from their fight against the Fates, they are stronger together. Zari feels like that connection will be enough to protect them both. The journey doesn't scare her at all. It's what comes after that does.

"On three." She promises, glancing up at the ceiling. In classic Zari fashion, she already made a plan to tackle her anxieties with brutal precision. "Gidget, activate that security protocol we talked about until John and I are back, okay?" She waits for the AI to confirm whatever cute name was given to a protocol that roughly translates to murder all intruders with extreme prejudice.

She meets his eyes without bothering to explain that. "One, two, three." Zari pops it in her mouth right on count, consuming it quickly even if it's gross. This is why she doesn't take drugs for fun.

He glances up towards the disembodied AI, or well, the ceiling because she's not actually in there. He's definitely not the tech guy, but he likes Gideon despite himself. John thinks it's probably wise not to ask about the protocol Zari set up, though it is bemusing she thought to do so, at least until he remembers why. Of course she has timetravel PTSD, what the fuck was he thinking?

"Three," he says in unison as he takes a big bite of the mushroom, not particularly enjoying the taste himself though he's had far worse things in his mouth lbr. He polishes off the rest of it quickly and tucks the bag back into his jacket pocket before rocking foward in his seat so their knees press more firmly, both hands on his thighs as he screws his eyes shut tightly. It always takes too damn long for these things to kick in, but he needs time to set them up properly anyhow.

"I call upon you, the great one, in the name of St. Anthony, finder of all things Heavenly and below..." It just sounds like he's praying at first but as he repeats the phrase over and over a swift wind starts billowing around them, surrounding them in a circle. It gains speed each lap it takes until there's a veritable cyclone surrounding them. The air pressure starts to drop, crackling loudly as if he's whipped up an actual storm inside the library. He reaches out and takes both her hands suddenly, squeezing as he uses some of her energy to power the spell. Inexplicably, she should know to say the name with him, perfectly in sync. "Sara Lance, the White Canary."

A beam of light shines bright and shoots upward from the middle of their circle, pattern glowing through the storm though he hadn't taken the time to paint it on the ground. Somehow, he didn't think Nate would appreciate the clean-up. And he's confident enough that between themselves and Gideon they'll be well-sheltered. He can't distinguish between what the spell is wreaking and what is merely a high hallucination already, but he starts to feel his skin grow hot and buzz as the drugs take hold.

He feels a warmth over his shoulder and cranes his neck to look over it. Whatever the figure truly is, it's shaped like Sara, but more vague like there aren't enough particles to compose her fully. John goes to reach for her, but Zari's hands hold him back and keep him tethered even as he hears an eery disconnected laugh echo around the circle. As he turns to ask Zari if she hears it too, the scene suddenly melts away and changes.

John feels himself falling like an all too real metaphor for down the rabbithole. His tummy is doing flip-flops, but he thankfully lands on his feet with the dull thud of old boots. The figure appears again, just ahead of him on the path and his wealth of experience tripping balls tells him he has to follow it to find Zari - and the answer to their plight. He can only hope she isn't frightened out here in the woods by herself, if that's even the scene she's been given.

Edited 2020-08-06 23:40 (UTC)

The spells sounds a prayer so automatically Zari is inclined to like it. It's more surreal than the last time she helped him with a spell. The wind is like a friend to her now so Zari doesn't blink twice at the storm picking up around them even if she wonders already how real it is. She's not exactly an experienced user. Soon she's in the thick of it, surprising herself by reciting the name in perfect harmony with John. There's no time to have much of an opinion on anything happening.

Once she has a grip on him, Zari refuses to let go even with the specter of Sara in sight. They've been fooled enough by impostors. She's not chancing it. Too bad the ground didn't cooperate with that sentiment. She doesn't so much let go as completely fall away from him entirely.

Zari finds herself in the middle of a party, dressed to the nines as if nothing ever happened. "John?" She looks around desperately and barely suppresses a scream. None of the party goers have faces. It's just blurs; like the video isn't buffering right. "Yeah, you definitely need therapy, Z." She murmurs to herself before summoning up every ounce of courage she has. What did the legendary Ms. Theron say? Think the word murder while you do the Evil Queen walk?

Zari picks up a bottle off a server's tray, breaks it against the wall, and starts her murder walk. A more solid figure appears across the room and having no better options, Zari follows it, dodging the faceless figures all vying for her attention. She's got a weapon and a lot of unresolved trauma. She's pretty much guaranteed to win.

It leads her out a door which go figure puts her in the woods. She's back in her punk rock outfit and down a champagne bottle. She huffs loudly. "This vision sucks." It's directed to no one in particular as she resumes her evil queen walk in boots this time. She only pauses to pick up a fallen branch along the way. It's mostly instinct that guides her to John though she doesn't buy it's actually him. Most of the team was killed by a shapeshifter. She's taking exactly zero chances with it.

Zari hides and waits for him to get close enough so she can very heroically use a branch to sweep one of his legs out. No one said she was going to play fair in a fight. Really who could predict Zari "Street Smarts" Tarazi? She jumps on top of John, using the branch to help her push hard against his chest to keep him down. She's definitely scared, but channeling that energy well into action... against John. Whoops?

"You better be able to tell me which Spice Girls I should emulate at a 90s punk concert or I'm crushing your windpipe." It's pretty ridiculous as far as threats go, but also very real. Cough up the info, John!!

He's wandering through the brush the best he can, but go figure: not a huge wilderness guy. John is distracted picking some burrs off his coat when he suddenly trips and falls hard.

"Bloody hell," he curses, rubbing at his face and turning over to try and get up when something suddenly leaps on top of him, pinning him to the ground. There's a spell on his lips already, hand glowing as he gets ready to send whatever this creature is straight to hell when he sees familiar eyes set on his. His gaze rakes over her appreciatively even when he's pretty sure she thinks he's a hallucination - the question just seals it and he laughs, a sound that echoes forbodingly off the trees. "90% Scary, 10% Posh. And might I say, you carry it off well."

Well enough to distract him, as high as he is. He suddenly starts laughing and isn't sure how to stop even while rubbing a hand over his face where he fell. That's going to bruise, isn't it?

The fact that he was casting something when she jumped him is a pretty decent sign it's John. Zari still waits for the confirmation before she rolls off him. She moves the branch aside so she can help him up. The laughter is a little creepy, but she doesn't stop. He is their first line of defense so she needs him on his feet.

"Sorry, babe. Better safe than sorry." Zari takes a second to fuss over him. She brushes some dirt off his face and hair with her bare hand. The very act makes her skin tingle unpleasantly, like tiny needles poking her from every spot she touches and spreading through her arms. She just tells herself it's no worse than getting her brows done or acupuncture and moves on with life. "Get it together, okay? Team Magic needs to get results or else they're going to tag in Gary." She thinks there's nothing more sobering than seeing how much worse Gary will make this. Bless that idiot.

John lets her help him to his feet, leaning against her while she looks over his clothes. The laughter slowly trails off into a dopey smile he focuses on Zari, in direct contrast to her experience all of his extremities are numb save for a pleasant intermittent tingle. The smile drops instantly at the mention of one Gary Green, wearing a slanty sort of frown now.

"They wouldn't." Then he thinks about it... okay, so they would. "Lead the way, darling."

She's actually a little sad to see it go. They need to do this for Sara and the team. There will be plenty of time later to see John happy. Zari takes his hand in hers, laces their fingers, and takes the lead this time. She found John so clearly she's not completely hopeless at this. "Okay, but you do the actual fighting this time. We seriously don't have time for me to ambush everyone we come across." Actually that reminds her. She checks her jacket pocket and smiles triumphantly. "Oh never mind my mace is here. We've got this." Sure, he can summon fire, but can John blind people?? Probably, but she'll help anyways.

He squeezes her hand, probably too tight, working with limited nerve endings on his end.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" he exclaims, and suddenly the path before them materializes a familiar scene (if she's into ancient films that is,) a gold-paved path appearing beneath their feet and vibrant red poppies on either side. The sky clears and brightens, turning a clear and welcoming blue. John stops a second to feel the Sun on his face before allowing Zari to pull him back to reality, his steps hurried before they match up to hers.

Suddenly, his expression sobers and hardens to a determined resolve. He lets out a pent-up breath and looks around, half-expecting a scarecrow or a lion-man to jump out at them. He feels compelled to make a pledge to her then, thinking of the moment he'd thought he'd lost her, too. They never did speak of it after the fact, but now his filter's all but gone.

"You know I'll protect you, luv... can't lose you, not again."

She stiffens when he squeezes her hand, feeling fire at the contact. Why can't she get the fun part of the high? She swears people said this was fun. Thankfully what John summons up acts as a welcome distraction. She does follow it without sadly knowing the fun song she could be humming right now. :(

"I feel like this is a reference to something." Zari comments as she takes charge in making sure they actually get somewhere. Being the leader is as natural to her as breathing. Being goal-oriented has its perks even while high. She couldn't turn it off if she tried.

"You did protect me. I was the final girl, remember?" Her face falls letting herself admit aloud even a fraction of the pain she felt the moment she caught sight of the others in pieces around them and knowing that she couldn't even stop to mourn them. The worst thing she could do at that moment was cry and leave John completely alone with the dead. She had no choice but, to keep fighting even if her heart was broken. Her eyes grow wet as she forces her gaze to stay ahead. They're getting somewhere. She can't hide the hurt in her voice. "It wasn't as fun as Ava made it out to be. Pretty sure that was the second worst moment of my life." The first being finding Behrad dead on the floor. She loves them, she does, but that was the moment she truly lost her mind. It was only the hope of bringing him back that saved Zari from going insane with grief for the rest of her life. When the others died, she could at least think enough to make John a priority still.

She only dares to look at John once that pain is carefully shoved back. Will it be for long? Who knows? Zari had to get high just to even acknowledge it existed. There's a good reason why she wants to just keep partying with them. No one wants to unpack what happened.

Zari offers what she hopes is a reassuring smile. "You didn't really lose me. We just got separated for a little while." She's downplaying it and she knows it. Neither of them needs to spiral out imagining what could have happened when they know what did. Charlie saved them even if the way she went about it was awful. Still, he didn't let her die. She knows he needs to hear that.

Zari quickly cheers up as she finds the bright side of things. "And hey I found you, didn't I? So hang onto that. Even when I'm possessed by my other self and imprisoned in another reality, I'll escape and find my way back to you. It's not all on you, okay? We'll save each other." That's something she's confident about. Zari appreciates the pledge. She knows she'll even rely on it when things get dicey. Maybe that makes her a bad person for depending on a man who lost so much already to keep her alive. Zari also knows she'll give back to him whatever she can. That has to be enough.

Edited (pronouns!!) 2020-08-08 15:52 (UTC)

John has never had a true partner, has never allowed that to happen in his life. What she promises him is hope and light and, by his estimation, far more than he deserves. His hand cinches around hers again, almost enough to inflict real pain. If it wouldn't distract them so much, he'd stop to pull her into an embrace, but maybe it's him who needs the contact more anyway. He's used to ignoring his own needs, as surely as she is.

"Yeah, well, I never wanna be separated like that again." Ever. To complete the weird metaphor in his psyche, the Emerald City comes to view in the distance, a bright green technicolor dream mansion in the middle of the poppy field. It seems appropriate to head that way instead of acknowledging all the feelings he's having. "Guessing our answer's in there."

The truth is she can't even remember how it went down. All Zari knows is one minute they're fighting for their lives (or rather her life) and the next something changed. Reality slipped away and suddenly she was a girl hustling to survive the modern world, living with her baby brother, and dodging his best friend... literally. She could never figure out why she was always pushing Nate away. Everyone in that stupid reality was constantly on her about how this is the guy she should want on paper. A part of her knew there wasn't a heart left to give him. It already belonged to someone else. She's grateful for even that tiny bit of agency that Charlie couldn't strip away with the bribe of her brother's life.

It suddenly occurs to her that she has no idea what it was like for him. Zari doesn't know if he saw what Charlie was up to and tried to fight it or what his prison was even like. Now isn't the time to ask, is it? Zari resists the urge to downplay the situation again. She acknowledges it honestly.

"I know, John. It really hurt." Zari stops them even though her hand aches and the answers are straight ahead. She pivots on her boot to face him, grabbing the back of his neck with her free hand to telegraph the kiss that's coming. It's sweet, but firm reminder that she is here. They're not going to lose like that again.

She pulls back sooner than usual if only because they are on a mission. "Let's do this before Sara finds out she didn't get to make a lame mission intro. I feel like she'd have a field day with whatever this is all about." She lets go of the back of his head to vaguely gesture behind her. Zari turns again on her heel, leading them ahead with the confidence of a woman who never met a problem she couldn't take head-on. Some things never change.

It feels good just to be validated in the moment and he digs a hand into her hip in anticipation of the kiss, a gesture he returns with gusto though he knows it won't last long. He allows it to lend him strength, as her presence somehow always does, looking up at their destination. Just as he does, the city flickers, like reality is trying to seep back into their scene.

"The reference you were looking for earlier is that this is a magical city set over the rainbow that's somehow supposed to have exactly what you need... but it was all a sham in the end." He has to stop a second to think, and the sky starts darkening measure by measure the longer he takes. It isn't easy when he's higher than a kite and distracted by his feelings for Zari, but when he thinks of Sara the clouds part a little. "Oh, and we should probably stay out of the open before the witch gets us."

Because that isn't ominous at all. The poppies start calling to him the moment they stop, but he's present enough to know that's a bad idea - or is it? A voice interrupts him, a guard dressed head to toe in green to match the fortress he's protecting.

"John Constantine? There's a message for you." It's his turn to grab Zari's hand and beeline towards the figure, cautious but hopeful as he takes the envelope from the man's hand. He hands it over to Zari immediately, once again needing her strength to get through this.

"Will you do the honors, luv?"

Zari makes a face at the reference. That probably won't bode well for them. She'll find a way to make her own luck. Sara may not be her bff the way Ava is growing to be, but she is their leader. She's not leaving this drug trip until they have answers. "Okay. That's super reassuring." They have a wizard so she thinks it'll be cool.

It seems her optimism pays off when they get a letter. That's weird but, helpful. "Yeah, I've got it. Just remember to kiss me if I fall into a magical coma from a paper cut." Zari lets go of his hand reluctantly to open it. She gets "Surrender, Dorothy" for her trouble in big black letters. She blinks twice, drops the letter, sucks in a harsh breath, before stomping up to the guard and getting in his stupid face. She points her finger at him for emphasis as she screams every word out.

"You listen to me, you tacky little creep. Stop screwing with us or I'll go full dragoness on you. Try me. I have a highly suggestible wizard with no impulse control! He will burn your freaking castle down if I tell him to and make sure whoever sent that knows it!" She steps back only to pull out her phone. The furious look on her face makes it plain that is not a retreat. She's getting ready to ruin his entire life. "I'm setting a timer for five minutes. Get moving!" Zari turns the phone around to face the man and he books it. Either she came off as completely insane as she wanted or John did something really cool behind her. It's a victory either way.

He considers trying to explain the context, but if the professor is actually inside they may get more answers from him. John shrugs and shakes his hands out, letting the flames overtake them easily. The guard's eyes widen and it takes him all of 30 seconds before he decides this is above his paygrade and runs off his post, letting his spear fall to the ground with a loud clatter.

"That might be a new record," he praises them both, starting to reach over her shoulder before he realizes his hand is still on fire. John shakes his hands to clear the spell again and hits the phone screen to pause her timer. But when he goes to reach for the door, it falls away like a TV screen shattering into a million shards of glass on impact. He immediately grabs at her arm, not wanting to get separated again, but what springs from the rubble is breathtaking and he holds Zari close to witness it with him.

Assuming she's still sharing his vision, it's like they're floating in the vacuum of space looking out at the Milky Way. He's remembering looking up at the night sky back in Liverpool, praying for a way out. If only that little boy would have known just how far he'd end up. The peace of the scene doesn't last long, however, as spectres of the previous visions blink in and out of existence.

First up is the Cheshire Cat himself, slowly appearing before fading back out to only his smile like that iconic scene. Next, the Wicked Witch travels by on her broomstick, her cackle eerily stolen by the lack of atmosphere. Her flying monkeys flank her like secret service before they all vanish behind a nearby planet. The stars rearrange to spell out their discarded message from before: SURRENDER DOROTHY staining the sky as Dorothy herself is the next to join their surreal scene. Her bejeweled shoes shine brightly in the night sky as she clacks her heels three times and John finds himself saying the phrase with her, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

The reminder of TV terrifies Zari at first glance to the point where she freezes just the second long it takes for something bad to happen. She's relieved that John grabs her. It's not often she spooks, but it's meaningful he has her back. Zari loves him all the more for being ready to cover that moment of weakness. The reveal that follows does a lot to bring the air back into her lungs. For a moment, she smiles innocently. It's beautiful. She almost forgets why they're here because it's just them and the sights. What could possibly be wrong?

Things start to turn. It shouldn't be scary. Mostly it's weird; very John in many ways. For a control freak? It's deeply unnerving. Zari feels truly high for the first time. It makes her feel a little queasy. She can't figure out how any of these images will return Sara to them. If there's one thing that scares Zari, it'll be the look of disappointment on Ava's face if they come back with nothing. She tears her eyes away to center on John and squeezes his hand hard enough to hurt.

"I don't know what this means." She admits in frustration. Zari sucks in a breath to steady herself. "Will saying the words tell us where Sara is?"

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I want to see your guard down // I want to know what's under there

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