nifties | You let the Devil in 😈

You let the Devil in 😈

Ever since he agreed to go on this trip with Zari, his mind's been turning over and over about it. Technically, yes, the Legends are adults. Some of them even managed to survive for years without them aboard (which seems miraculous now.) But that doesn't make it any easier for him to leave his hatchlings, no matter how many speeches Sara has about how they only live once and they should go enjoy themselves. And he knows Ava has pulled Zari aside to essentially say the same thing just in a more Ava type way.

The thing is, even when John is running away, it's never for long and he's usually only pretending to dick off. As he thinks back over the years, has he ever taken a real vacation? Ever? Something creepy or crawly always manages to find him wherever he goes and that's weighing heavily on his mind as well. If the team will be safe without him, will Zari be safe with him?

He keeps starting and stopping packing, not like it matters when he knows Zari is going to make him get a whole different wardrobe the second they're alone. He's been avoiding that one for long enough so he's kind of resigned to the whole affair honestly. Packing means leaving though, indefinitely the way his life goes. What if they damage the timeline by being out there together? And again, what if the Legends really really need them??

Yeah, so he's spiraling. When Zari finds him, he'll be pacing the length of his room back and forth - back and forth. Every time he crosses his suitcase, he drops something new in and/or takes something out so that the job never actually gets finished. He's so absorbed in his weird, manic ritual that he doesn't even notice her coming in until she's right in front of him. Her sudden appearance (from his perspective) actually makes him jump before he manages to focus his foggy gaze on her.

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He doesn't even remember falling asleep, her soft weight surrounding him dragging him over before he can quip back. At first it's pleasant, a warm pocket of rest after some undeniable over-exertion. His hand settles over her arm as he falls deeper into slumber, in that drifting place between true REM and a light nap. Suddenly, things change, his grip tightening almost uncomfortably and his face screwing up into an anguished expression. His shoulder twitches tellingly under her, clearly beginning to sink into distress.

Somehow, he's avoided this in all the nights they've shared, but he's never been a "nap guy" for close to this exact reason. He wrenches away from her abruptly in his sleep, dangerously close to the edge of the bed as he throws himself away from whatever is reaching towards him without warning.

As he tumbles back into wakefulness, it's a very harrowing and not at all pleasant experience, the nightmare scene still playing out behind his eyes as he calls a panicked plea to the air in a familiar shape. "Astra!"

Zari can sleep through just about anything. It's one of the many skills she's cultivated over her time as an influencer. She can't sleep through that uncomfortable grip. Her brows furrow together as her sleepy brain struggles to make sense of what she feels underneath her. John is moving away which immediately sends Zari into a panic. Her eyes snap open as she frantically looks for him, hand raised like she's expecting to have to shove (a zombie) something away quickly.

It doesn't take long to spot him. Zari gets to her feet, grabbing John by the shoulders before he can fall onto the floor. Calling for Astra isn't weird considering Gary likely blabbed pretty early on that Astra had been killed by the same woman who killed Behrad. She's only sorry he's plagued by the same nightmares as her even if they only come to Zari when she's alone. "John, it's okay. Astra's okay." She rubs his shoulders gently, trying to ignore her racing heart.

He starts at the grab but doesn't fully wake, his eyes rolled to the back of his head so only the whites show when he blinks. Even subconsciously, it gets through that whoever has him doesn't mean him harm, but she's wrong, Astra is... His voice is tearful as he babbles sleepily back at her, still caught between dreaming and cogency.

"She's not okay. I damned her, I damned her like I damned so many others... like Des." John shivers just to say his name, ironically picking the only two people he's successfully saved from his past. But everything has a cost as he likes to point out: a toll. And he'll never pay that tab down completely.

It is only when he tenses that she realizes this is not the smartest thing she could have done. John may be skinny, but he's still a man who isn't fully in control of himself. He could seriously hurt her by accident if she doesn't go about this the right way.

The thought is lost by what he says. She can't stand his suffering anymore than he can hers. Tears well up in her eyes at the words and shiver that accompany them. There's so much pain inside him. It's undeniable now even if she already has so many memories of them happy together. They will never cancel out what came before for him or her for that matter.

Zari moves to sit at the side closest to the edge of the bed. Her hands shift so that one rests on his hair and the other his shoulder. She gently strokes the blond strands, thinking back to Behrad and the times when she actually got to be his sister before fame and that parasite of a manager got in the way of that. She knows there's no arguing any of what he says right now. Zari goes back to what she'd do in simpler times with a boy she loved so very much.

Gently she sings, "You are the sky's great moon, and I'll become a star and go around you. If you become a star and go around me, I'll become a cloud and cover your face. If you become a cloud and cover my face, I'll become the rain and will rain down. If you become the rain and rain down, I'll become grass and germinate. When you become grass and germinate, I'll become a flower and will sit next to you. When you become flower and sit next to me, I'll become a nightingale and will twitter to you." She'll finish the song whether he wakes up or not.

He'll be grateful he didn't hurt her later, but that hand in his hair is soothing and starts to drag him back under the tide. When she starts to sing, he feels warmth on his face, followed by wetness that freezes - even half-asleep he's vaguely aware he's crying and reaches a wrist clumsily to his face to wipe at his tears. Then he curls into the smallest ball he can make with his lanky body, head resting against her thigh as he sobs silently into the bedspread.

The tears start falling freely as she watches him. Zari hates this. She just wants to shake him awake to remind John that everything is fine. That's selfish and easy. She's better than that now. Zari switches to Farsi once the song's English version ends, knowing it sounds more beautiful and soothing in her parent's native tongue. Her fingers continue their gentle threading through his hair. Zari moves her free hand off his shoulder to gently wipe away the tears she can reach before letting it rest again on his shoulder.

John slowly feels consciousness break through the still-lingering nightmare vision, shoulders jumping under her touch when he sees something that isn't there. He's been through it enough times to know not to react, but his eyes glow briefly anyway before he starts to get some real agency back. He reaches his hand up to close over her wrist on his shoulder, holding on and just breathing for a long pregnant beat.

"What's that song?" he asks softly, voice hoarse from crying.

She holds her breath when his eyes glow. It's only faith alone that keeps her there singing to him. That is a clear a sign as any of how easily things could go south here. Zari exhales shakily when he grabs her wrist, openly relieved that he's coming back to her.

"You are the sky's great moon." Zari responds softly. Her tears slowed to a stop a few verses back. She pulls her hand away from his hair so she can wipe them away now. "I used to sing it to Behrad all the time when he was little. He'd climb into my bed when he couldn't sleep. We'd read stories and sing songs until he felt better." She explains if only because John will appreciate it. He needs time to process before she begins to even touch what just happened.

He frowns, turning on his side again so he doesn't have to meet her eyes while she dries her tears. John stays perfectly quiet and still while she recounts her story, almost as if he's fallen back asleep but he's very alert. He does appreciate the story, of course, just not what brought it up in the first place.

"...Did I frighten you?" he manages eventually, barely eking it out.

For a hot second, Zari considers lying to him. She's great at it when she needs to be. That isn't the kind of relationship she wants. Her mind jumped to soulmates not too long ago. You don't lie to your soulmate even if the truth hurts.

"You did." Zari admits as she goes back to carding her fingers through his hair. She doesn't waste a second on explaining how since context is everything. "You went to a very dark place. I didn't know how to bring you back." That is the truth. She considers telling John about those handful seconds she realized she made the mistake of approaching him directly in his sleep. There is such a thing as too honest and ultimately decides against it.

That feels so nice, but his heart feels like it's constricted in a vice. He swallows and tries to take a shallow breath in before pushing himself up to sit, feet hanging off the edge of the bed as he scrubs a hand over his face.

"Sorry," he murmurs, not sure how else to smooth things over. Apologizing has never been his strong suit, but he suspects she was scared of him and not just for him. He's not about to ask. "...I'm gonna brew a tea if you want one. We still on for that thing?" John gestures vaguely before reluctantly setting his red-ringed gaze on her. He means for the challenge video, but it still sounds super silly to say.

It hurts to have him draw away from her. Zari cannot be sure if it's just them being too invested in each other or what's going on here. "We're still on for the video." Zari confirms as she meets his gaze. She weighs her options. Maybe it'll be easier to talk with tea in front of them. Maybe giving him a chance to move away is only going to make this harder. She reaches out to squeeze his shoulder as indecision overtakes her. "Do you want to talk about this before the tea or after?" There is no option not to do this. She can already tell this is going to be a thing if they don't address it immediately.

He immediately reaches up again to put his hand over hers, turning his head fully towards her and unable to hide the pure adoration that shines through his gaze despite everything going on.

"After, alright? Just... need a minute." Or like, ten. He's trying not to analyze how easily he agreed to talking about his feelings when usually he'd be taking off about now, at least for the night. But he can't do that with them, she makes him want to work on himself and this relationship. John's smile is watery and meek, but there as he leans over to kiss her forehead then gets up without another word to leave the room. He doesn't allow himself to look back, knowing it will just make him want to stay by her side when he really does need some space and some caffeine to sort through this.

She smiles as he reaches out to touch her, immediately reassured things aren't screwed up for good. Zari nods eagerly at his choice. She probably needs a minute too to sort herself out. She leans into his kiss, letting John go without a word.

Zari gets up to immediately head into the bathroom to finish off what's left of her water. She uses the washroom and takes five minutes to wash herself up again. Her hair gets touched up next, turning the frizzy mess into something presentable with the right serum. From there, she puts on some deodorant, reapplies her lotion, perfume, and brushes her teeth.

It's a solid fifteen, bordering on twenty minutes before Zari reemerges in a silk robe. She's feeling more like herself even if a little more somber. "Is my tea ready?" Zari asks like she didn't give John too much time to do this. It couldn't be helped. The routine of fixing her appearance is soothing. She wants to go into this conversation in a good head space.

John heads into the combined living room/kitchenette situation, picking up his boxers up off the floor as he takes a moment to recount what happened out here when they first arrived, his throat drying up as he sees her shift laying haphazardly over the chair's arm. He puts the underwear on then takes a moment to gather up their clothes and place them in a neater pile on said chair, topping it with Zari's hair ornament before continuing on to his real quest.

He fills the electric kettle after the moment it takes to track it down and a couple hotel issue mugs. While he waits he also washes himself up a little in the sink, rinsing silt out of his eyes before leaning back against the counter to watch the Sun start its steady descent. This place is beautiful, of course, but he's been to beautiful places before and it doesn't often get to him.

The kettle's clicking when it's done snaps him out of his reverie, going through the well-practiced moves of preparing their tea the way they each drink it. It didn't even occur to him beforehand that he knew this about Zari, but sometimes the small things really are the more telling, he thinks, mind still pleasantly drifty from his nap though he keeps circling back to Nero as much as he tries to keep things light until Zari actually comes back into the room.

His smile is hazy as it lands on her, picking up on the serious mood settling over the room, but he can never keep himself from being happy to see her whatever the context may be. John approaches to press her cup into her hand before making his way to the couch to start sipping at his though it's still a bit too hot to be totally comfortable.

She's surprised to see him tidy up. Zari supposes he had the time. She accepts the cup without commenting on it on their way to the couch. It's a good sign that he's as happy to see her as ever. Zari for her part can't quite chill. Zari takes a seat next to him though further away as usual in a calculated move not to crowd John for once. Her mind races through every potential starting point. It leads her to wonder insignificant things like how many sips he'll need before he is up for this. The influencer takes a baby sip of hers as a sign of good faith even if it is uncomfortably hot.

She decides there's no point in keeping up the pretense. Zari turns towards John to dive into it. "I know it's not easy to open up about the things that scare you." She frowns. This is literally what her therapist says to her. Zari tries again. "It doesn't have to be just you. If there's anything you want to ask me about..." Now she's just managing him. Zari huffs in frustration. "How about you just tell me what you think I should know?" She takes a sip of her tea to manage her annoyance at herself. She swears she's good at this normally! It took the potential of losing Behrad forever to even get her to admit some of the pain she carries inside her. How can Zari expect anyone to open up when she struggles so much with it herself?

John is glad they're going for the jugular, as it were, if only because he's never been fond of small talk, or particularly good at it. He takes a long sip while she starts in, not bothering to answer to her assessment when he mostly agrees. Her second statement only confuses him and his brows knit, knowing to just wait and see where this ends up rather than try to guess or otherwise interject.

He lets out a sigh at the question that finally gets posed, looking down into his teacup and wondering how much if anything she even knows about the Newcastle incident, or about him breaking the universe. Anything? She deserves to know all about them and much more about his past, but every time they try to unearth ancient history they never get very far, do they?

"Look, it's usually... uncouth to talk about one's ex in the presence of..." One's current?? "But I think it's time you know about Desmond." Because it's like, important. Considering it had a part in making her who she is and bringing her into his life at all. John turns his body more towards her while still keeping their distance, resting his wrists against his legs so he can hold the still-hot cup away from his mostly bare skin.

"I tried to keep myself from getting involved with him at all." He was an innocent, in every sense of the word, but John had fallen fast - the way he always seems to. John bites into his lip, needing to look away a minute. "I told him Hell had a price on my head, I really... but he just wouldn't listen, you know?" It's a tired smile he turns back on her, their first conversation about getting into a relationship went much the same way even if he trusts her ability to take care of herself more than he ever could Des.

"When the heat was on, I told him to leave town. Cut all ties. But he stayed anyway and..." John swallows, taking another gulp of tea more because there's no way to make this sound any less insane. "He was possessed by the wanker stalking me. Neron." It boils his blood even now to say the name, but all he can do is shake his head. "Des thought he could make a deal, though anyone who's ever met me should know better than to sign on the dotted line for a demon."

Jesus it's so dumb, and so avoidable. He takes another breath and sets his cup aside before he can drop it and burn himself.

"Neron cast his soul out and wore him like a cheap suit. It took breaking the laws of nature, alright, but I had to get him back. I owed him that much for putting him in harm's way to start with." His eyes implore Zari to understand though he still has yet to get specific about what it is he did exactly.

She can guess who 'Des' is now. Zari vaguely recalls John mentioning the name. The memory becomes more clear as the story goes on. Her tea goes to rest gently on the coffee table. Zari won't even pretend she's remotely interested in drinking it while listening. The story sounds familiar in a lot of ways. Zari can see herself in Desmond's shoes for the start. She brushed away the warnings too. Zari knows if he came to her tomorrow with the same story it wouldn't change anything.

By the time they reach Neron, she couldn't feel further from Desmond. She loves John deeply already. Zari knows in her heart that if she lost him tomorrow, a part of her would never fully recover. John burrowed his way into her heart too thoroughly for anything less than a devastation that will always linger in some ways. All that said, she could never do what Desmond did. She values her soul and faith too much for that. Even with a 100% guarantee John would be okay if she sacrificed herself, she couldn't do it.

She shudders at the thought of possession, recalling vividly how it felt to be displaced in her own skin. What Desmond experienced sounds infinitely crueler than Other Zari's casual invasion and use of her body. She reaches for the tea to sooth herself as she listens. At John's imploring, she holds a free hand mirroring Behrad's regular gesture of peace. "You don't have to justify saving Desmond to me. He made a really bad call, but as the victim of the world's friendliest possession? I absolutely think he needed to be bailed out of that. Other Zari didn't even mean to hurt me and..." She did. She still does. The other part of her therapy sessions is absolutely dedicated to unpacking the fear she could lose her existence to a strange woman.

Zari shakes her head to dismiss the thought. "I can't even imagine how terrified he must have been." She knows John is about to tell her something absolutely insane. She has a hard time blaming him for whatever he did given her experiences with possession so far.

John's shoulders sink a little at her reassurance though he isn't at all confident she'll feel the same once he gets to the punchline. His gaze is full to the brim with empathy for her in her situation though they're talking about him now and it probably just comes across as general melancholy for all that's passed.

"I hatched a scheme," he says, voice growing softer as he realizes he can't skip over the part where he betrayed the Legends' trust to do what he did. "I knew if I could do it all over again... well, I'm a nasty piece of work after all. The one thing I'm really good at is driving people away."

He rolls his eyes at himself before hanging his head for the rest, knowing he can't make eye contact now or he'll definitely start crying again. He sounds shaky, but determined to get through this with her.

"I lied to Sara, stole a time-turner and... found my opening. I broke it off with him before we could even get started the second time round. Before he--" John rubs at his eyes like that will keep the emotion at bay. "There are fixed points in the timeline, yeah? Things that keep everything was crumbling. I knew that thread was one of 'em and I plucked it anyway. There was no other choice." Not for him, he doesn't think he has to expound on why.

Zari sets down her tea, arms crossing over her chest. It does sound bad. She might have chewed him out for being so reckless before Behrad. She can't having gone through his loss. The desperation and anxiety that ate at her day and night pushed her to do things she never would have dreamed of before. It had been luck really that most of them had been good, but not all. When it came down to it, she didn't care about Astra's mother or Astra for that matter. Nothing compared to Behrad, her sweet baby brother, and the guilt she felt over his death. Zari knows she was cruel. She knows she would have done the same as John when it came down to it for her brother.

"That's what you meant before. You screwed everything up to save Desmond from the consequences of trying to save you." Zari points out softly. She sighs softly, still unable to judge him too harshly. "What happened next?"

He nods, realizing not for the first time why he always avoids conversations like these.

"I crashed time and space down around our ears, that's what I did." John hazards a glance her way, remembering the look of heartbreak on Desmond's face all too plainly. "And it turned Behrad into a cat." That part will always be weird, but it's probably the first time he's realizing before time changed again that was Zari-1. Wow, this is even weirder.

Zari blinks at him for a second. That's both bizarre and terrible at once?? Then she lifts her leg to gently kick his knee. He did turn her brother into a cat with his antics. That deserves a kick!! She's not explaining why she did it. He should know anything that hurts her brother gets punished!!!

"So what? You had to take it all back to unbreak things?" She frowns deeply. Zari realizes now this is likely how poor Desmond ended up one of the dead exes. Things clearly didn't stay broken if they're here vacationing. "And Desmond died?" Zari knows her possession is the exception not the rule to kind of happy endings.

"Ow," he complains meekly, bemusement shining in his gaze the next time he gets brave enough to meet his eyes up with hers. "...Something like that, yeah."

John swallows, a sick feeling passing over him that wipes the burgeoning smile off his face before it can fill out. He finds himself looking down at the floor again.

"No, he's alive. Nora helped me drive Neron out of Dez and restore his soul. Which is how he got hold of Ray next and... well. Brought about a nasty chain of reactions that sorta-kinda ended the world as we knew it."

He might be glossing over the part where Desmond rightfully hates him now, but he's alive so John can't find it in himself to complain. Suddenly, dark eyes snap upwards and he grabs for both Zari's hands, wanting to make something abundantly clear to her.

"All of that... everything I did was done out of selfishness, I can admit that now. It's why I never thought-" His lips twitch like he's laughing at himself, but no sound comes out and water once again fills his eyes. "But if all of that went down so I could meet you? It was bloody worth it. And I don't care if I'm a shite person for thinking that."

He hates the pain he caused Desmond and Astra, even now with them relatively okay, but without all of it he would never have this family - this love he thought could never come back into his life.

Zari's face scrunches up as she tries to follow this frankly insane story. She guesses that means all his exes aren't dead?? That's great for them. It is actually funny to think John almost tanked their relationship over something that isn't completely true. John grabs her hands and suddenly it doesn't matter so much that she cannot fully grasp that story.

She's starting to realize what John already knows: it leads to her. Zari never asked Raymond why as a little girl she has memories of him saying creatures like her beloved dragon were a danger and threat on television. She never asked her mother why his words scared her so much. All of it led to that weird confrontation at Heyworld that she and her mother escaped from.

Zari stares into those dark eyes of this, realization hitting her like a ton of bricks. She understands why John is so emotional about this. The fallout directly created the Zari he came to know today. "I'm not complaining about being the end result." Zari squeezes his hands. "We can both be bad people together. I like being this version of me. I like the life we're making together." She knows it's unstable and star-crossed as it gets, but Zari treasures it all the same.

The way she stares at him bursts the floodgates all over again and he's surging forward to press his face against hers, one hand wrapping around the back of her head as he starts to sob. He isn't totally aware in the moment why he's crying, but later on he'll probably realize that it's because no one's ever accepted him so totally before, for all his serious flaws.

"Sorry, it... took us so long to come out with that."

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