nifties | I'm way too young to lie here forever⭐️

I'm way too young to lie here forever⭐️

John is doing that creepy thing again where he wakes up long before Zari (if he ever slept) and watches her sleep later into the morning. One slightly rough hand smooths its way up and down her arm as he waits patiently for her to come to, leaning up against the headboard and trying to calculate how much time they have before someone crashes in here to get them to breakfast and then to some broken part of history. Since coming back from their vacation, they haven't spent much quality time one-on-one between the team and each of their day jobs. Not to mention him getting Astra settled and everything that's going on there. It only makes the time they do have more precious, though, and moments like this seem all the more surreal.

"Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?" he murmurs in his gravely tone that comes from too many years of cigarettes and booze. "Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and Summer's lease hath all too short a date." He's realizing as he recites the poem how long it's actually been in real-world time since the Romeo and Juliet debut. That kiss... The back of his hand travels over her cheek gently, thinking it unfair that as a timetraveler he can't make this moment last forever.

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"Who said it's without her?" he teases gamely, turning to press his lips against the sensitive spot just below her ear. John sobers (literally) while recounting to her why this place screws with him so bad. "What you see as a neat backdrop was somewhere we pulled thousands of all-nighters. Demon-hunting is a lot of mind games, we had to..."

John's eyes accidentally rove over the spot Gaz died and he swallows dryly, holding Zari tighter by reflex, his mouth still ghosting against her skin.

"Train," he finishes, turning to smile at her apologetically as the whistle blows and he needs to let go to prepare the tea.

Zari's smile stretches wide as his lips touch that spot and linger after. She barely stifles a laugh. "Menace." She complains without ever making an effort to draw away from John. She notes the shift and wonders where he went before it's time to let John work.

She moves to the table, taking a seat, and dramatically sprawling the upper half of her body over the table as she watches John. She turns over his words in her head, looking at them from every angle she can see before asking the obvious question. "So what? This snow is your way of preparing to be messed with?"

He makes up two cups whether she wants one or not, thinking he's going to be up all night either way so it really doesn't matter if he's forced to drink both. With the bags steeping, he turns around to face her, leaning back against the counter and trying not to let on how charming he finds her ridiculous splay over the table.

"I suppose, yeah. Or the house's reaction to it anyway. It's magical, not sentient. Well, not exactly." It's hard to describe, but instead of going quiet he decides to open up. "Magic always leaves the signature of its user. The more sophisticated the magic, the more distinct it can be. So when I'm here, as much as I know Jasper's spirit isn't still lingering... Feels like he could walk around a corner any minute."

Edited 2020-12-21 20:15 (UTC)

She smiles fondly at the two cups. Zari actually has no idea if she wants tea or not. Acts of service is one of her love languages!! That smile slips into something thoughtful as he explains. She can get it on some level at least if only because of what happened to her brother. "Kind of like how I felt Behrad every time I used the totem?" Zari suggests even as the implications of that are still above her head. Neither of them are quite sure what became of Behrad after he died. Jasper has decisively died and stayed dead so the situation is very different.

"That's a lot, babe." Her eyes light up with sympathy. She had hope she'd get Behrad back. She doubts John feels the same way.

He concedes her suggestion with a noncommittal nod. It's not exactly the same, but it's close enough for her to relate, he thinks. Just like he knows what it is to be possessed, if not completely in the way she feels Warrior Zari's influence.

"Yeah," he acknowledges blithely, finding it ironic he's barely scraped the surface and she already thinks it's 'a lot.' Not like anyone else would think anything different, but isn't that why he usually doesn't share too deeply of himself? "So it is."

He lifts his eyebrows as if to ask her not to judge him as he takes a last swig of scotch before setting the flask aside to be forgotten until morning, at least. He'll wash that down with a sip of too-hot tea before digging back into the cupboards for powdered milk and reading the expiry date with passing interest. He keeps forgetting what year this is anyway so in it goes.

"A lot of reminders in this place, anyway. Not just of Jasper either." Which is just one of the reasons it overwhelms Liv, he's sure. "Of me, of Gaz, Ritchie... even Zed, Chas. And now even you." The mirror will save her image for all time, to say nothing of what her brief influence could persuade the house to do.

It is satisfying to know a part of her is permanently here. She hates that there will be no record of them. She has a million videos and pictures of every part of her life except what matters most. At least here she'll have some record that their lives were linked so closely; that she loved him and he loved her back. Not even a wedding will ever be able to capture that sadly.

Zari pulls herself out of her pity party to circle back to what matters. That reaction or lack of one says a lot about what he took away from that. She knows she has to get ahead of it. "You know my whole life everyone has tried to shove me into a box. They wanted to make me small enough to fit into their little world. Daughter, sister, moneymaker-" Zari rolls her eyes at that one. Thank God that part of her life long over. "Celebrity, dream girl, you get it. I just want you to know that I'd never do that to you. You can be a lot, John."

She pauses dramatically and adds sweetly, "Unless you're really into boxes. It's okay, baby. We already know you're really weird. I can embrace your box kink if it really means that much to you."

He listens, at first solemn but steadily gaining mirth as she goes. He sets her tea in front of her in a school mug that matches her hoodie. John's just has greek letters on it as he takes another sip and sits on the opposite side of the small table from her.

"There's only one box I'm into," he assures her with a stupid wink, his knee bouncing idly as he takes another long drink. "And I don't think you're trying to put me in one." More to the point.

Looking down into the murky liquid, he sighs, pulling the tea bag out and laying it on the old table. Its finish has long since worn off so he isn't worried about damaging it - not like he's ever cared about such things besides. They really do make a peculiar pair at times; Zari who treasures and babies her most loved possessions and John who lays waste to anything perishable in his path. Which is also relevant, considering.

"I had to kill him. Gaz. I did it right over there." He waves his cup at the space where the cot Zed and he dragged in used to sit. Thankfully, that object is as long gone as Gary himself. "A lot enough for you?" It's the only way he could share that information, drunk and with a dry delivery, but that doesn't mean he's proud of the unnecessary shock value. He knows he should have told her this at the rock concert when he'd first introduced the man he'd unintentionally dragged into his orbit and ruined as a result.

Zari sits up just enough to drink her tea. She doesn't immediately spit it out so that milk must have been good still. It's a little too hot, but considering their situation with the house Zari considers that a good thing. She is reassured she put any misunderstandings to bed. The influencer is content to let him drunkenly ramble until it's time for actual bed.

Naturally John drops a bomb on her. She searches his face for a few tense seconds to see if that's some kind of sick joke on his part. He can say the worst things at times. Zari quickly puts together he is serious. Her head whips over to the spot like there will still be a dead body there as she processes that truly horrifying information.

"Shut up, John!" Zari snaps belatedly at his delivery style and question. God, he can be so awful at times. She forgets if only because it's been a less of an issue since they got Behrad back. There's no good way to tell someone that, but that has to be one of his worst timed reveals ever.

She keeps her eyes trained on the spot, taking in slow and steady breaths. Zari's heart is racing. The adrenaline makes it hard to be calm and objective; get his side of the story. She forces herself to ask even if her voice is clearly tense. Every instinct is telling her this is the flight moment. He just told he murdered someone in this room; his friend. Obviously he'd never hurt her, but tell that to the preservation instincts hardwired into every living being.

"Let me guess: there was some kind of demon involved." She turns to look at John. It'd be easy to show him TM: understanding girlfriend who's just so sad about his tragic life up to this point. She's fantastic actress. She might even get him to believe her long enough to slip out of this house and get far enough away to satisfy that flight instinct.

She lets him see the truth. Zari is understandably freaked out. The blood has drained from her face, her eyes are mix of fear and grim determination to listen to whatever explanation he has. John dropped this on her. The least he can do is explain it.

He goes obediently quiet following her outburst, watching her freak out and forcing himself to remain detached. Sharing something this grotesque deserves the reaction she gives it, and he knows he'll have to accept if she runs away now. His patience pays off when she instead hits the nail on the head, unsurprisingly.

"...Yes," he admits, carefully leaning towards her across the table's surface, his mug still clutched in both hands. "A particularly nasty one, too. Gaz tried to play the hero, after watching me do it so many times."

Zari doesn't reach out for John for a change. She's still processing even when he confirms what she suspects. Like him, she starts to detach in order to fight off that instinct to run. "Even you don't always get it right. What chance did he have?" It's harsh, but also likely the case. Zari remembers well that he was an addict; the non-functioning kind. She's been surrounded by them most of her life. She doesn't even need John to tell her how Gaz would look years down the line and his capability in dealing with something that grim.

"What happened?" She thinks she's ready for it as she'll ever be.

He maintains his distance carefully, trying to seem unaffected by the way she looks at him. She's seen him kill before, but she already understands this is different. This is personal. But it's also who he is, and he's realizing she should know what she's getting into. For real, not just vague self-sabotaging warnings.

"He was strung out, so he says, when he came upon a boy... Only a young man, but he'd been marked for death. Gaz was too naive to realize at the time that the ritual was irreversible and so he used what bollocks I taught him to bring this kid back from the brink. He was able to trap the demon temporarily in a vessel that he, also stupidly, smuggled through customs back to the US. To find me, of course." He smiles without any mirth behind it, because this is where everything goes truly off the rails. "The monster escaped and claimed many casualties before Gaz made it here and actually got around to admitting the havoc being wreaked was his doing."

He points to the enchanted mirror, just out of range from the next room over, immediately placing his hand back on his cup when he's through like Zari needs the reassurance he won't reach out for her until this falls out one way or another.

"That scene you saw of Zed on the couch. That was Gary's doing too. He used her ability against her in a feeble attempt to relapse and leave the problem to me."

Just this once she doesn't care about his feelings. Zari is still processing her own as best she can. The story is a little too familiar for comfort in a weird way. As a teen, Zari got left cleaning up messes before she learned to draw boundaries. That's another story she'll never get around to sharing with John.

Zari glances back at where John points, immediately sympathizing with Zed. She assumes the woman is an innocent party in all this. "That's what they're good at." She remarks wearily. Zari turns her body back towards him. "I'm assuming you caught up with him after that." She knows if there's one thing John can't stand is people who hurt the ones he cares for. He said he had to do it so she already knows it isn't revenge that motivated him.

He nods stiltedly, grateful he's able to share this as clinically as possible, for both of their sakes. "I lured him back with the one thing he wanted more than the obvious. To be me." John shrugs his shoulders helplessly, but doesn't stall the story any longer than need be. "It didn't take him long to discern it, if only because he knew it all along. In order to seal that particular demon, it needs to be bound to a living soul. That way when it inevitably eats through its new host, it can't jump to another. Instead it would die with Gaz, as it should've died with the boy the shaman bound it to in the first place." John waits for any questions she may have sedately, surprised by his own calmness now that the story is done.

She doesn't hide her disgust. Her nose wrinkles as she checks the urge to vomit. Zari doesn't have to imagine people being eaten alive. She saw it happen in real time. The fact that it happened from the inside out only adds to the horror she recalls so vividly the nights when John is away. It's ironic, Zari thinks. He usually keeps the scary stuff at bay for her. He's describing something worse than what they both witnessed that day.

There's only one question worth asking now that the story is over. She knows how Gaz is killed. It shakes her to her core. Zari's gaze meets his and burns into it. She doesn't care if it's a cruel question. She has to know for sure who she is dealing with here. Zari got sending Desmond to Hell given what little she did witness of Neron as a child and the choices the other man made were crueler than John's in her opinion however well-intended they were. She never pictured John actively killing someone he claimed to care about until he told her straight out.

"Did he let you do it or did you force the demon onto him?" That's really the difference between whether she stays at this table or leaves immediately to tell Behrad everything. She never plays when it comes her little brother. If there's even a fraction of a chance John could justify doing that to Behrad? She'd torch his relationship with both of them here and now without a single regret.

The question takes him off-kilter, not because he thinks it's cruel but because it doesn't matter to him the same way it does her. He gets consent, if only because of her that it's more than a passing thought, but if he hadn't killed Gary it would have been an innocent. That he would have been forced to do too to keep Armageddon at bay.

"Thankfully, he saw it my way eventually." Meaning he did take the time to convince Gaz of his cause once the other man cottoned onto his intentions. He supposes in retrospect, he didn't have to afford him that luxury. "He said it was his way to repent... for what we did to Astra."

John looks down, then gets up himself before she can decide to, retreating back to the counter as he takes another steadying sip of his tea. He thinks about reaching behind him for the scotch, but that would make him no different from the late Gary in the end, wouldn't it? He waits silently for her reply, the house ceasing all activity as if the molecules of everything are merely standing around them, waiting for someone to breathe again.

To Zari it is the difference between the hard call and outright cruelty. There are always choices. The world in any era has no short supply of evil people that deserved that fate. Zari wouldn't lose a wink of sleep if one of the Encores they faced back at house met that end for example. She lets out a disbelieving scoff at the rest of his reply. Tunnel vision is pretty classic for addicts, picking out one bad day of behavior, and obsessing over it while not recognizing the rest. It still gets to Zari all the same.

"Astra... not the people who died horrifically while he waffled on whether or not he wanted to finish what he started. Just her." She has to shake her head in disbelief. What a piece of work. Zari rubs her temples as she tries to figure out where that leaves them. She already knows they're not over. Gary made a choice to repent for what he did with the time John allotted him by accepting that awful death. Did he deserve it? The families of the ones who died would say he did probably. He withheld information that could have gotten John to stop it sooner and attacked an innocent woman to escape responsibility. Zari knows they still kill people for these kind of crimes in this era. Granted no court would ever believe it happened. The principle remains he unleashed something that killed a lot of people and attacked a woman when it came time to answer for what he did.

She blows out a sigh through her nose and finally addresses the situation properly. "It was his choice, John. You had a part in it. You should feel guilty since we both know getting eaten alive is a terrible way to die, but people died that way because of him too." Her eyes meet his. That's the part that honestly pisses her off. Are they just going to skate past the fact he did that to innocent people with his carelessness? "One way or another your friend was going to have to answer for that. At least he died trying to make it right for someone." Not the people he truly wronged, but whatever. Zari has to let that one go.

John nods first without knowing what he's agreeing to, but as she goes on he realizes why she's upset. It was the same reason he had been, at the time. Of course, there still remains the thought that if Gaz had never met him he would never have dabbled in magic, maybe he wouldn't even have become an addict. He definitely would still be alive. He sets his tea aside and wraps his arms around his middle, glancing over to see the fire blown out from neglect.

"Zed was livid, at the time. She said I tricked him, that he was my friend..."

And it would've been easier, to bind the spirit to anyone else. Someone he didn't know. But it wouldn't have been right.

Tears fill his eyes but he brings a hand up to scrub over his face before even one can fall. Still, his voice is wobbly as a result. "I know we don't talk about religion really." A conscious choice on John's part, but here goes nothing considering he's in confession mode. "But I know I was put down here on this earth to help set things right. To do things no man with a clean soul could ever do."

His eyes catch on that university crest and a bark of laughter bursts from his lips, watery but sure.

"I tried, after Astra. To put it all away and forget who I was. But just like Jasper, I couldn't do it." Maybe it was a bit of a bluff when he told Zari he'd give this all up for her. The truth is, he doesn't think God would allow him to, to say nothing of the other factors moving in his life. "Gaz wasn't the last time I'll have to do something like that." And it's the real reason he never lets anyone close enough to see him.

She doesn't argue Zed's assessment of the situation. Zari didn't see what she saw. It's a waste of time without the woman here to explain it. Zari opts instead to continue hearing John out. They really don't talk about religion. Her faith is on full display even if her practice of it may be open to criticism. John's feelings towards it are a much harder read. As such it's almost surprising that is where he takes it if he hadn't given her so much information before. He was visited by an actual angel. Of course he's going to think his role in this is important. Is he wrong? Zari can't say so. That's between him and God. Looking at what he's done just while she was around; stopping false gods from controlling humankind is a divine mission. It isn't insane thing to think this is the burden placed on him. Far be it from her to try undercutting his faith.

Her lips quirk up wryly as she realizes he lied to her earlier. He'd never give this up. Good thing she'd never ask him to. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Zari says finally. So far the Legends have been good at finding a way out, but Zari can't pretend they won't ever find themselves in this kind of situation. She also knows there is no controlling what can happen when John is away with Gary too. All she can promise is to stick it out unless he does something truly evil. They're not there yet, are they?

"The point is even after everything he did, she sat by him and watched him die with me." No matter how much John had tried to protect her, she always went back out into the fray. And like Zari says, that's her choice. It's his own arrogance and ego he attaches to the choices other people make around him and for once he's finding it in himself to let it go. He breathes easier than he has in a long time, glancing around at the mess they've made but figuring it can be taken care of tomorrow. "Can we go to bed now?"

The gaze he turns on her then is red-ringed and exhausted, like telling her this wrung out the last bit of energy he had.

It says more about Zed than the men in the story. Her capacity to forgive is something that Zari admires without ever knowing the other woman. She rises to her feet silently, padding over to his side. She gently takes his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together as she starts to walk ahead.

"Let's get some sleep." All of this can wait until morning. Emotionally Zari knows she is absolutely spent. She's ready to collapse into whatever bed this place sends them to. Thank God his disappearance earlier gave her time to clean up a little. She doesn't have the energy or supplies for the full routine.

His hand strengthens in her grip and he nods softly, allowing Zari to lead the way. Nothing strange happens this time, with her at the helm, the hallway seemingly normal as they reach the top of the stairs as it stretches out to a finite amount of rooms this time. He doesn't even notice which bedroom they end up in before breaking from her to strip off his clothes and crawl into Jasper's big four-poster bed pre-made with flannel sheets. She asked for cozy and the house provided, John thinks, turning over to envelope her into his embrace the moment she makes it under the covers.

"I love you," he murmurs, kissing her temple soundly as he already begins to drift off. Maybe she'll never see him the same after all that's been said tonight, but he has to believe her still being here at his side means something.

She's never going to be able to forget how he started this conversation. Zari has seen him kill before to protect her and the team. Talking that way about a friend will forever spook her to the core. The context helps, of course. What's the saying? Forgive, but never forget? That doesn't stop Zari from leading him to a room. Certainly doesn't stop her from pulling her hair into a messy pineapple bun and crawling into bed with John.

She lets him hold her like nothing ever happened, kiss her sweetly, and drift off to bed. "I love you too." She reassures, voice uncharacteristically small even while sincere. Zari doesn't go to sleep right away. She stays up to watch him for a solid hour, reconciling all the violence and tough calls with the man who needs reassurance that he's satisfying her, that clings to her side whenever possible. There's no satisfactory answer to be found.

She falls asleep to the sound of his breathing shortly after that hour mark. Zari will stay dead asleep in blissful darkness for another ten hours. It has, after all, really been a day.

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I'm way too young to lie here forever⭐️

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