nifties | it's all so incredibly loud //

it's all so incredibly loud //

The ship just seems so incredibly... quiet, without Ray. He knows he has no right to think that, he's not an OG member of this little crew, but he's learned the ins and outs of how they operate anyway. At first it was begrudgingly and now, as always, he finds himself in the crux of every stupid decision they make. He can scarcely remember the day he moved in now, some stupid quip about not playing dress-up; but it feels like a different lifetime. It was, wasn't it? A different timeline, anyway.

He hears footsteps past his doorway at every hour and he's learned to identify them all. The purposeful stride of Ava, the sharp staccato of Sara, the lumbering oafishness of Rory, the light and carefree steps of Behrad... and most recently, the high-pitched clack of Zari's heels. Most nights, he hides in here, drinks a fifth of a bottle or enough to sleep, whichever comes first. His priorities have shifted a bit since their jaunt out of time. It's the first truly selfish thing he's done in forever and he knows it was for Zari, too. It's what keeps the guilt from consuming him, though his fingers itch for a drink or a smoke. He bought another pack at some point, but it remains pristine in a drawer like an insurance policy rather than anything he intends to use.

The sound startles him, her heels outside his door. His heart pounds, trying to make himself wait and see if she'll pass by. Certainly, she would if he didn't intervene. He's not that interesting when he isn't doing magic, at least by his own perception. Yet she sticks around, she listens to him. He tries not to let it remind him of anything - or anyone.

At the last possible moment, he stumbles to the door, opening it with that unsatisfying Star Trek button. He misses wooden doors, tangible things. Convenience is all well and good, but he's an old-fashioned guy, and maybe just an old one, too. That's how he feels tonight anyway, taking a half-step into the hallway so that they nearly collide. He reaches out automatically to grab both her arms, feeling like he tripped and fell anyway, her eyes once again capturing his as he forgets to speak.

"...Hey." It's soft, betraying his vulnerability as well as the wetness in his own gaze. "You weren't comin' to see me, were ya?" Probably just wishful thinking, he knows, but when she rejects the notion he can just laugh it off like always.

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That feels ridiculously intimate, the way she holds his heart in the palm of her hand - and apt, perhaps. His heart-rate does speed up, his breathing shallowing out; but it probably has very little to do with him being a smoker at all. Whatever she's about to say feels significant even before she's said it, the air around them charged with some undefinable emotion that seems to cocoon protectively, almost as if no one could interrupt this moment without breaking the spell.

Because he's so accustomed to smiling as a deflection, when he's truly happy sometimes it doesn't show on his face. It's obvious in his gaze that he's wholly focused on her and her words, but the rest of his expression remains neutral as much as he wants to laugh at the mention of his chemistry with the librarian. As if that really needed to be said, but he appreciates her narration all the same.

John pushes a stubborn lock of hair away from her face and gently tucks it behind her ear, his other hand slipping from around her back to sink into her waistline. It's hard to internalize what she's saying to him when all of his senses are so wrapped up in how well they fit, something he can't help but take full notice of each time they're together. Date finally gets the flicker of a reaction, one side of his mouth twitching up to match the unmistakable glimmer in his eye. Since he already covered not getting a cellphone, they can't exactly have a 'status update,' not to mention doing so would probably cause a major time incident. Still, what she describes sounds... too good to be true. Exclusivity without the pomp and circumstance, what is more romantic than that? It doesn't sound stupid to him at all.

The dam finally breaks when she gets to 'magical boyfriend' and he snorts indelicately, enjoying the title more than he should. "You really know how to woo a bloke," he praises, voice raspy but sincere. That probably is related to the smoking... He leans in before she can spiral out, sealing his lips over hers in an impossibly sweet kiss. He doesn't try to deepen it or make it anything more than it is, pulling back when he starts growing short of breath. "Yeah, luv, that's how I remember it." And yes, he'll be hers. For as long as she'll have him. The look he gives her is full to the brim with adoration and he holds her gaze for as long as possible after.

Edited 2020-08-06 16:43 (UTC)

It helps she really doesn't have any expectations of him. The pressure Zari puts on herself in a hundred fold. She does wish he was an easier read, but the kiss will definitely do. It melts her heart just like every other tiny gesture of his. She can't help thinking how insane that this feels more intimate than anything that's come before John. The way he pushes her hair back and watches her with those dark eyes of his shouldn't be so meaningful. It leaves her helpless. No wonder they're both so scared.

She gets lost in his eyes after, hers impossibly soft and loving in return. Eventually Zari has to break the hold he has just by a look alone to laugh. She can't just leave that wooing line alone. She is an excellent wooer... when she doesn't care. This is really on him for making her care. "You want me to try wooing you again? Because we do have a romance writer on board. We can take ten and see how Mick would handle our romantic dialogue. Probably something about skinny Englishmen deserving love too maybe. Let's not get too crazy here."

Her laugh lights up his face, the expression easily taking years off his usual rugged appearance.

"You want Mick Rory to write us a love sonnet?" he presses her, one eyebrow lifting in accusation. "I think I'll pass that up, if it's all the same to you."

Love. Even a casual usage of the word is almost too much for him, sending an unwelcome shiver down the column of his spine. He brushes his lips across her temple before setting his head on the pillow behind her, chin resting on her shoulder. It feels good, and safer now that she can't see his face, but he can't just let that comment go all the same.

"...Skinny?"

That look on his face does things to her. Zari thinks she'd do literally anything to make it happen again. What a terrifying way to live. John hides himself before she can even begin to unpack that one. She pouts about it even while finding an excuse to legitimately pout. "I want you to actually say that you are now my magical boyfriend or else I have no choice, but to keep wooing you. Friendly reminder that I am a classically trained actress so I have a lot of romantic dialogue to use at any time." It's all directed at women which whatever. She can change pronouns for him!! Also fun fact she told Nate that so this is new information for John at least.

She rubs little circles into his side. "Yes, skinny. Don't be offended. I know plenty of women who would kill for your waistline. I'm pretty sure North West already has." That last one doesn't sound like a joke. All those kids probably grew up to be terrors.

"Is that supposed to incentivize me?" he teases, fingers trailing over her arm in that not-quite-ticklish-touch he's so fond of wielding against her. Though he didn't know she was 'classically trained,' he could have guessed from their scene, and also the drama constantly surrounding her (so what's his excuse?) His frame shutters involuntarily again at her touch, similarly ticklish the way flawlessly manicured nails drag against his shirt. It makes him want to start stripping down just to feel more of her. "Dark," he mock-criticizes of her anecdote, only vaguely knowing who that is or why she's named after a compass direction...

His lips catch against the skin of her throat as he speaks up again, squeezing her tight with both his thighs now like she might retreat though she's shown no signs of doing that or anything close to it. His voice is smoky but assertive as he forces himself to drop the self-conscious act. She's clearly attracted to him so it really is a nonissue. Maybe it's his turn to woo Zari anyway, but as always he has to have fun with it.

"Only gonna say this once so listen up. My name is John Constantine and I'm the slim magical boyfriend of one Zari Tarazi. And if she wanted me to tattoo that on my arse, I probably would."

The hair on her arms stand up, flesh pimpling at the touch. She swears he knows that's edging on ticklish for her so she doesn't feel as bad about what she's doing to him. It is likely a good thing he is locked on so tight once he gets started. His lips against her throat do tickle. What he actually says is what makes her laugh louder than she thinks she ever has. Zari laughs so hard the bed shakes from the movement. She pulls her hand off his rib cage to bring it to her face like that will calm her down.

She shows zero signs of stopping even as she forces herself to say something. "You probably would." She takes in a few wheezing breaths, grabbing at his arm. "Please don't do it. Your butt is way too cute for tattoos." She'll calm down. Just give her a minute.

He's never heard her laugh like that, so unrestrained and loud like she clearly doesn't care how she sounds or what it looks like. It's ridiculously attractive to him and he shuffles away from her just a tiny bit so he's not crushing her rib cage, laughing lightly despite himself when she grabs for him.

"Oh most definitely I would," he counters, not bothering to analyze how final such a thing would truly be. He has some weird ink, but he's never considered the permanence of putting someone's name on his flesh. People don't usually survive long enough for him to and he's never been one much for memorial. His smile grows wolfishly at the backhanded compliment, craning his neck to turn it on her where he's now resting against the headboard more than on top of her, though one leg is still intertwined with hers. "I think I can promise that, luv, but only if you keep callin' it cute."

Emotional blackmail or something: his specialty. John brings one knee up towards his chest and rests his elbow on it so he can better watch her without turning again, his heart straining in his chest like it wants to break out just from this silly conversation. It's how he knows it's okay to be here, with her; and to settle just a little bit.

"Would you ever get a tattoo?"

Zari doesn't laugh like this usually. It's considered unattractive to most people. The way her nose scrunches up and lips pull back isn't considered cute. The natural reactions she trained herself out of slip out around John. Case in point, she shifts enough to more comfortably support her head against the pillow, not minding how it'll flatten her carefully crafted curls. She rolls her eyes at the blackmail even while noting to honor that. It's very nice to look at, okay? She's shallow.

Zari waves a hand at the question, head shaking. "I can't get a permanent one. It's haram." Considering who she is hanging out with, Zari can't exactly write off the potential of literally being cursed for getting one now. That's one of things she looked into and actually found the evidence that it was legit and not just a rule men made up.

He asked so that inclines Zari to open up and not just leave the conversation there. "Behrad and I always decorate our hands for weddings since temporary ones are okay. Not to brag, but we put together some really cool designs over the years. I'll have to show you the pictures sometime." She intentionally leaves her phone behind when she seeks him out. Zari knows she can't resist poking it. She doesn't want to miss any of this. Just talking to him makes her feel stupidly happy. What app could compete?

He more or less expected that for an answer, but it still tells him something new about her. When she mentions the pictures, he anticipates her cracking out the phone and doing the whole thing before it sinks in that she didn't bring it... which means she really was coming down here to spend time with him. He still doesn't get it, but that doesn't make him any less touched. He knows how much her phone means to her, and if they're with the group he actually enjoys when she pulls things up for him to see because it gives him an excuse to stay in her space. Right now he doesn't need an excuse though and he'd much rather look at her face in the present than pictures of the past.

"I'd like that," he says softly, picturing the henna as she describes it. He's sure it's beautiful but it wasn't exactly where he was going with his question. Not like he has an agenda right now, it actually feels really nice to just bullshit with someone, especially her. "It's not haram to date a wizard?" Asking the real questions here.

Zari freezes not because he caught her off guard. It's the opposite actually. She's a little embarrassed at how prepared she is to answer that. Zari has been very focused on the mission, but her soul is important too. She's never been good at letting things go. "So... I might have dug into that if you want the real answer." She leans in and almost look giddy to present what she found out. The thing about Zari is she really is passionate about whatever she puts her mind to. Nothing is ever a chore to her once it captures her interest. She raises a finger while sharing what she learned.

"If you were Muslim, it'd be a huge issue because I'm going to take a leap here and say maybe some of your spells might be dark. They're haram by default according to our standards." Zari can't say for sure what he does so she doesn't go any further into that. It doesn't really change her point anyways.

"But, here's the thing: you're pretty much an anomaly. No one accounted for a wizard that would wield that magic against Satanic forces and actually mean it. They always acted under the assumption they'd be aligned with Satan. That means that you fall into the same group as Behrad. He draws from an outside source to protect Allah's creation and fight evil that would harm it so his actions are considered a necessary part of his duty. Yours fall under the same umbrella even if the source may not be as pure. It's one of those 'we wish you didn't do that, but understand you might have to' kind of deals." At this point, Zari finally takes a breath. Her Catchat roots are showing. She really did that whole speech in one take. "So tl;dr you can date a wizard if he's fighting Satan. We're really love it when people do that."

Of course she's thought this through - it's actually a relief he didn't accidentally stumble on some dealbreaker for their relationship though he wouldn't admit to the self-sabotage. He's still himself, after all. He listens to her whole speech without interruption, slowly lowering back down onto the bed and facing her with the fondest look on his face.

"It's ridiculously sexy when you do that, you know." And not just because it's about him (and them) though that definitely helps. "And in that case..." John puts one hand over his heart and raises the other. "I hereby solemnly swear to always use dark magic for good... intentions. If that clears things up any."

She doesn't think her heart can take that look. She really has it bad. This would suck if it didn't make her so happy. Zari drops her hand and points out evenly. "I'm always ridiculously sexy, John." That's just a fact!! The rest melts her heart. She really can't stand him. Zari is no less giddy, but it's clear that means a lot to her. Her eyes are impossible warm as she watches him. She appreciates that with everything he's seen and done that John still takes her faith seriously. Zari reaches over with one hand to grasp his face fondly.

"And that helps a lot. I'm citing this conversation if the angel in charge tries to go all traditionalist on me like sixty years from now when I meet them. If they're cool obviously I'll be nice, but if they're not I am going to make them regret the day they agreed to watch me. I have sources on my side. That's why I never lose an argument." It'd be a boast if it also weren't a factual statement. No one outargues her.

"Well, sorry for quantifying it then." His smile turns bemused, only twisting the more she goes on. When Zari reaches for him, he instantly leans his face into her hand, one of his hands finding her hip in kind. It feels so comfortable and right to be like this with her, but this whole speech is almost too much to take. "What I wouldn't give to see the inner workings of your mind, luv."

It really is something to see and admire, as much as he sounds like he's joking. He's realizing he never actually tries to win an argument against her and that's a feat in and unto itself.

"Angels are wankers anyway. Take it from someone who was tirelessly dogged by one."

Her eyes go comically wide. That is quite a reveal. She isn't starstruck clearly. Zari literally admitted to having an ongoing document in her brain filled with arguments she can use at the end of her life to excuse her actions. She still knows that's a huge deal. "One of them actually revealed themselves to you? Repeatedly?" She sucks in a nervous breath and admits, "That's probably not a good sign."

They must have needed him to do something. Every story pretty much confirms that's the only time they'll be popping in for more than a cameo. She relaxes since hey she's from the future. There wouldn't be a future if he screwed up whatever task he was given. "We're still here so I guess it all worked out."

He snorts then outright laughs at her assessment - which is all too accurate. John watches as she cycles through whatever she's thinking about then seems to settle again. His leg grabs at hers more firmly again, pulling her body against his, his nose bumping hers gently with the move.

"More-or-less." As well as anything in his life ever works out. Considering she's his best shot at happiness, it's hard to complain at this exact moment. "He used to pop up from time-to-time and try to play Jiminy Cricket, chirpin' on my shoulder. For all the good that did 'im."

It once again calls up memories of Zed and everything they had been through that year - he hopes he didn't screw her life up too bad, but he's not confident considering she's still alive. His breathing thins out a moment before he tries to elaborate, though for anyone else he wouldn't bother.

"There was this... rising darkness. There's no guarantee it won't come back, and when or if it does I expect I'll see that old sod again. Above and below have got equal pull on my soul, luv, it's always a power struggle. Though sometimes I think it's more about who gets stuck with than who wants it."

Zari breathes out a soft laugh. He reminds her of a cat that she had as a kid. He's always moving all over the place with the constant being keeping her in various degrees of closeness. She doesn't complain. Zari moves her hand down so she can swing her arm over his shoulders. Her eyes fall shut as she works that over in her mind. One thing is clear though: "That sounds exhausting." It shouldn't be that hard. John walks in a very complicated world so she saves that for herself.

She reluctantly opens them back up again to give a positive spin. Zari gently squeezes his bicep. "But, hey you took care of it without a big team backing you up last time, right? If it comes again, we'll just throw Mick and Gary at it. Trust me, nothing is going to want to rise if they realize that's who they have to deal with. Real talk: if I were evil, I'd quit after dealing with our team. The migraine would not be worth world domination or whatever darkness wants."

He doesn't even intend to be the doom and gloom guy most of the time, it's just that sharing any of his experiences is very seldom positive. John takes comfort from her contact, smiling softly despite the heavy topic.

"That's how we wound up in this trouble to begin with..." Does any part of her remember that? He gets flashes - it's hard to separate reality from the time he met up with the Legends to now. "Like I said before, I'm last on the call-list, always." Last resort. It's not like he can blame them, but maybe just once he'd like the chance to solve something before it goes belly-up.

His lips brush hers from proximity more than any intention and they tremble at the contact before he tucks his face back into her throat.

"They do most of the time, though. Look at Nora, she took the beasty's job - that's gotta be a new record." All of this is just distraction for what he's really been putting off and he lets out a puff of air that morphs into a sigh. "I've never done well with teams, but I have my people I can call on when situations strike well above my paygrade."

Except, every time he cashes in a favor, someone dies. It's why he's still holding himself apart from these people, but Zari won't let him retreat and it's as refreshing as it is terrifying.

"There was this woman... I don't want you to get the wrong idea. We weren't... but she was gifted, much moreso than I. Between her and Chas, we got through it. They probably cursed me every step of the way, too, but they're even more pigheaded than this lot. From what I hear through the mystical grapevine, they're seeing my mission through without me. For the better, I'm sure."

The first statement means nothing to her. The other Zari's flashes are all as random as can be. She teaches her other self how much she loves food, to hack anything electronic, and manipulate Gideon pretty effortlessly. There's no real memories to draw upon; just flashes of eating of all things.

Zari bites down on her bottom lip after he settles against her throat and continues to listen. She knows he's getting at something. He's more chatty than she is when avoiding something. One perfectly shaped eyebrow raises because it's a woman?? She wonders if she came off that jealous before dropping it. That's actually really interesting turn of events. John gives off this lone wolf vibe but, there's people out there connected to him among the living. They evidently believe in what he does enough to carry on without him.

"So I hear you, but you're literally describing a breakup to me. You won't even call her by name. Are you sure you weren't dating them?" She guesses the Chas breakup went a little better based on what he's given her.

It gets a chuckle out of him, though his voice picks up a nervous edge and he squeezes her just a little tighter before trying to reply.

"No," he admits, hearing the vulnerability himself and hating it. "But Chas is one of my oldest and best mates, well, probably the only one who keeps surviving. And that's my fault too."

A story for a different time, surely. He isn't sure why it's hard to talk about this, exactly, but even he knows he hasn't confronted his feelings about how everything went down. As usual, he unloads on the first person who will listen.

"I can say her name," comes the belated reply, as defensive as it is. "It was Zed, who knows what she goes by now. A clairsentient. I've never met someone with such natural psychic abilities." It had fascinated him at the time, but then he realized all too quickly how dangerous they were for one another.

"All I've ever done is get her hurt, but she wanted to learn how to channel her gift and she used me to get what she wanted." That makes it sound cold, too... His frame tenses around her, but he's forcing himself to breathe deep and let some of it go a moment later. "Point being, I'm sure you've noticed, I've got something of an addictive personality type." And since cigarettes are in such short supply these days, magic is his drug of choice. He's almost lost himself to it a few times.

She is going to need to Note document just to keep track of all these plot threads he keeps dangling in front of her. To Zari's credit, she doesn't chase after them. He's venting. She's been very clear that she wants to know what's going on inside his head. Her priority is getting close to Behrad again, rekindling the relationship that slipped away between their parents and her job, but it's not something that needs to be talked over. The less said about her possession, the better.

Her fingers trail up to rub little circles into a knot of his shoulder when he tenses up on her. Clearly this is a hot topic. Zari wonders if it's the first time he's ever gotten into it. He's telling her in one breath that he hurt Zed and in another the psychic used him; what a mess. He clearly hasn't worked out his feelings on Zed.

Zari snorts once he reaches the point. "Yeah, we've all noticed. Why do you think we've made bullying you out of the vice that's supposed to kill you our new team hobby?" It's pretty hard to miss the way one of them jumps on him the second they even think he's going to light up. It's practically an open secret at this point that Sara put everyone up to.

She frowns since there is actually one plot thread that's going to bug her. "Can we back up a little here? What's a clairsentient? I can't exactly look it up without my phone." And it's going to nag at her!! Don't make her call Gideon who is creepily watching them as they speak.

He knows he's burying the lead here, but isn't that his specialty? He's just lucky she listens to his drivel at all. Thankfully, defining mystic terms is much easier than confronting his feelings about friends he will probably never see again.

"She gets... impressions. From people or objects. Visions, really. We tracked the rising darkness through her ability. Well, when we could decipher it anyway." Sometimes it was only helpful in retrospect, but still. "I can't imagine living like that, feeling that much all the time..." He has a hard enough time with the level he's at.

John closes his eyes and tries to enjoy the comfort she's dealing him, but all he sees are Manny's inhuman eyes in the dark.

"Manny - that's our angel - he told me to use her to beat the darkness back. Not like I had much of a choice, she wouldn't let me ditch her no matter how hard I tried." Sounds familiar, really.

She shouldn't be so impressed. Her brother can control the wind be wearing a bracelet. John does weird stuff no one can really explain. Etc. Etc. Zed literally sounds like every little girl's fantasy come to life. Zari is kind of impressed. "So she literally got the powers every girl on the planet has wanted at some point. I'm honestly shocked I've never heard of her. She's like the fantasy draft pick for any vigilante team. We can literally never speak of her around anyone even remotely connected to the superhero community. You know that, right?"

She's way off the plot now. Zari reels it back in by working out a particularly nasty knot with two fingers. She always focuses better when she's doing something productive. The name Manny doesn't ring a bell. Why should it? Very few angels are actually named in any text compared to the number that exist. Zari goes back to what she does know: very desperate girls.

"I know how much it sucks when someone hounds you day and night, but if she was that desperate for help? Better you than some creep who'd hurt her on purpose. Desperation attracts some really nasty people. There are way worse things you can do than fight darkness with your super awesome powers with a wizard, angel, and-." She cuts off as she realizes she has no idea what Chas does. "Guy who survives? What does Chas do on the team?" And lost the plot again.

"Why do you think I never do?" he confirms before she's off again. He's always delighted by the way her mind makes connections, but right now she's distracting him by the way her fingers knead and prod at his tight muscles. John groans, laying perfectly still for her even with how unpleasant that is at first. After a moment or two, it feels better and he presses a delicate kiss at the front of her throat in gratitude before catching back up to the conversation.

Zari always manages to put a positive spin on things and it honestly helps, though it's not easy to admit. She seems to agree he's doing the right thing by sheltering her, and he tries not to think about what might have happened if he hadn't eventually taken Zed in.

"That's exactly who he is. I bound 47 souls to his in a freak accident... or drunk spell-binding, whichever way you slice it. Think he's down to about 30 now, or was the last time I saw him." He laughs a little even while shifting towards her, not quite ready to make eye contact but getting there. "My one friend who hasn't died because he's died 17 times." Surely that's amusing to someone else, too. In an ironic way, at the very least.

That kiss gives her butterflies. Zari really hates that he can do that. It's rude and uncalled for. She still keeps at the massage despite the very real threat of more butterflies. He is a ball of stress so she doesn't lack knots to work out. Zari appreciates that John allows her to take care of him in these little ways when they're alone.

Her eyes go comically wide again when Chas' ability is mentioned. That is so alarming on every level. "Oh we are definitely never mentioning him or the fact you can do that by mistake. You're going to get kidnapped the second we land somewhere if that ever gets out." She makes a mental note to delete this from Gideon's hard drive later. Better safe than sorry!!

His joke pierces through the horror at what could happen. Zari has to breathe out an awkward laugh. It is actually is funny in like the saddest way possible. "Babe, that is so dark." And not completely accurate unless the Legends died a bunch of times. They'd mention that, right?

He laughs harder and feels lighter for unburdening himself on her again. Only Sara has any clue what he was up to before the Legends, or did before now, and their captain doesn't have nearly as much detail. He sobers a little when her fingers start working down his spine, curling into a near-fetal position and holding onto her waist for support.

"Thanks, luv. I try." He presses another kiss just over her heart before settling back against her to accept more treatment. It's no secret he doesn't take great care of himself, it's touching that she wants to fill in the gaps. "It'll be our secret."

He lets the pause run on, as always Newcastle dogs him and Gary's death is a particular lowlight in his constant bombardment of nightmare scenarios, but nothing jumps out at him as something she should know - it just felt unfaithful to the people he left behind not to mention there are still live people he gives a shit about off of this ship.

"Do you ever miss anyone from home?" he asks after another soft groan, ducking his head even more against her chest so she can move up to his neck, where he holds the most of his tension. John never thinks about the amount of trust he's placing in her, or that he specifically draws the line at this sort of intimacy with anyone else he's ever slept with.

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