nifties | it's all so incredibly loud //

it's all so incredibly loud //

The ship just seems so incredibly... quiet, without Ray. He knows he has no right to think that, he's not an OG member of this little crew, but he's learned the ins and outs of how they operate anyway. At first it was begrudgingly and now, as always, he finds himself in the crux of every stupid decision they make. He can scarcely remember the day he moved in now, some stupid quip about not playing dress-up; but it feels like a different lifetime. It was, wasn't it? A different timeline, anyway.

He hears footsteps past his doorway at every hour and he's learned to identify them all. The purposeful stride of Ava, the sharp staccato of Sara, the lumbering oafishness of Rory, the light and carefree steps of Behrad... and most recently, the high-pitched clack of Zari's heels. Most nights, he hides in here, drinks a fifth of a bottle or enough to sleep, whichever comes first. His priorities have shifted a bit since their jaunt out of time. It's the first truly selfish thing he's done in forever and he knows it was for Zari, too. It's what keeps the guilt from consuming him, though his fingers itch for a drink or a smoke. He bought another pack at some point, but it remains pristine in a drawer like an insurance policy rather than anything he intends to use.

The sound startles him, her heels outside his door. His heart pounds, trying to make himself wait and see if she'll pass by. Certainly, she would if he didn't intervene. He's not that interesting when he isn't doing magic, at least by his own perception. Yet she sticks around, she listens to him. He tries not to let it remind him of anything - or anyone.

At the last possible moment, he stumbles to the door, opening it with that unsatisfying Star Trek button. He misses wooden doors, tangible things. Convenience is all well and good, but he's an old-fashioned guy, and maybe just an old one, too. That's how he feels tonight anyway, taking a half-step into the hallway so that they nearly collide. He reaches out automatically to grab both her arms, feeling like he tripped and fell anyway, her eyes once again capturing his as he forgets to speak.

"...Hey." It's soft, betraying his vulnerability as well as the wetness in his own gaze. "You weren't comin' to see me, were ya?" Probably just wishful thinking, he knows, but when she rejects the notion he can just laugh it off like always.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's expecting her to tell him to stop being so dramatic or something when she starts in - and then he realizes it's his turn to shut up and listen. He shifts a little so he's facing her more than leaning against her, his other hand closing over her wrist in a featherlight but unmistakably protective gesture. His fingers idly trace her pulse-point while he pieces it together, feeling grateful and humbled that she'd share it with him to begin with.

"I don't expect anything from you, Zari." His voice is so soft it's almost a whisper, dark eyes holding hers like a lifeline. He appreciates everything she's done to help him and the team, but that isn't why he likes her, not even close. It just makes him admire her more, that she thinks giving of herself that way could ever be selfish. "I push people away, I neglect them, I ignore them. Because I don't want them to get hurt."

He squeezes her hand and holds her wrist, his other knee bouncing erratically as he thinks of all the times he had this and lost it. He always thinks if he just holds on tighter... John bites into his lip, not even sure how to explain his feelings for her, it's somehow nothing like he's ever experienced and like all the intensity of his past relationships rolled into one and amplified tenfold.

"Look, I'm not internet famous or anything, but I get used, too. For my magic, or my connections. Hell, that's what this team started out as, Sara saw me as a tool and that was fine at the time." Well, until it wasn't. He swallows, looking away for a second. "Just tryin' to say I get where you're coming from. But I do care about you - so much so that it scares me."

His eyes blaze as they catch on hers again, flashing so bright for a second they nearly turn yellow. They're two very flawed people, but maybe they have something to offer one another; like a safe haven of sorts. A judgment-free zone.

She wonders if he knows how soothing it is to be touched like that. Zari feels a tad bit safer; like he's covering a soft spot from prying eyes. The words remove a huge burden from her shoulders. She is in constant struggle to be what everyone wants and needs. He got lumped into that group by mistake.

Zari hears him out and finds herself connecting dots. She's so busy trying to give that it didn't occur to her it was a two-way street. He could have come to her at any time. John was too scared to do it. She finally gets why that might be. They're not so different in the end. She wonders if that's why their attraction is so intense. They're like broken off parts of a whole. She doesn't believe in soulmates, but maybe if it were real this is what it would be like.

She sees the light behind those eyes. It continues to sink in just how different he is. That oddly enough makes Zari feel closer to him. He's made of magic and she's harboring someone from a life she lived and lost inexplicably. What a weird pair they make. "It scares me too; how much you mean to me." She elaborates. The last thing they need is another misunderstanding. "I can't explain it. It's just so much. I just-" She shakes her head, frustrated by not having the words to express herself. The look she gives him is downright desperate. "Can we just stick together for now on? This is the only thing that feels right to me."

He presses in closer at the words, staring at her lips, but ultimately settling with his temple against hers, needing the physical more than anything sexual at least for right now. They had rushed into that before, and he can't regret it when it felt so bloody good; but tonight he wants to just keep her close. Is that a crime?

"Only if you're absolutely sure you wanna be lumped in with a sorry sod like me." He keeps his tone light even though he's far from joking. He still expects her to realize who she's really with and walk out the door - and half of him wants her to so he doesn't have to watch her die. "And you accept that I'll never have a mobile number."

It really is too much pressure OK!!!!

Edited (britishy bullshit ) 2020-08-06 04:08 (UTC)

Zari exhales audibly, shutting her eyes as their temples hit. This is what she needs in a lot of ways. She rolls with the joke easily as the high intense feels start to cool off. "It's cool. I've emotionally prepared myself for the stigma of being associated with a weirdo who wears the same outfit every day." Is she joking?? Who knows.

She huffs at the rest. She likes the idea of being able to get in touch at all times, but whatever. He's not into it so she won't force the matter. Zari will finesse something out of it for her trouble. "I will only accept the phone thing if you pay up on that cuddle session you owe me." She says like he wasn't the one who wanted it to begin with. "No one likes a guy who is stingy with his cuddles, John."

All he can do is roll his eyes, he doesn't see changing his style either, but who knows what she could persuade him to do. It's impossible to come up with a comeback when she's right.

"Stingy?" he challenges, reluctantly unhanding her wrist so he can wrap his arm around her waist instead and gently roll them back onto the bed together. He's, of course, in his usual shirt, slacks and tie though he did take off his boots some time ago. He nudges at her foot with his to encourage her to kick her heels off, then wraps her up even tighter if that's possible, both hands squeezing around her middle while he unabashedly presses his face against hers. It's everything he needed and more; while simultaneously being something he never would have known how to ask her for. "Dunno what I owe you for, but lemme know when I'm paid in full, will ya?"

That went more or less better than planned. Zari kicks off her heels with a content sigh of a woman who knows true freedom from those torture devices. Zari naturally is in another stylish dress destined to be wrinkled by this. Oh well. Totally worth it for the comfortable and firm hold he has on her.

Her eyes stay shut as she continues to banter. "Ha! Nice try. I have the best memory when it comes to food and cuddling. You said we'd take a nap which implies cuddles. Therefore you owe me." It all makes sense to her. "I might cash in the nap too. Haven't decided."

"That's not the way I remember it," he counters halfheartedly, one leg working between hers while he slots his nose in against hers, enjoying the way their breathing mingles. He takes a moment or two to just hold her before he tries to spoil the moment. "So when you say 'stick together...'" He hopes it means what he thinks it means, but voicing it seems almost reckless now.

One hand goes to settle on his rib cage while trails upward to rest against his heart. The beat is soothing albeit a little fast, she thinks. Is that a smoker thing? She thinks it's a smoker thing.

Zari doesn't bother to defend that. She's stretching and they both know it. She couldn't think of any other way to get what they both need. What is just asking for it in a normal way? No, they need the drama.

She groans when he brings up her words from earlier. John really does have a way of spoiling the moment. "Yeah, that wasn't exactly Shakespeare. Think we can jump back for a consult? I'm not saying I salvaged Juliet for him, but there's no way Nate had that much chemistry with you so he pretty much owes me his career." Well that and the fact she can act probably helped a lot. Zari pops an eye open reluctantly. She needs words; really good ones. She's half-tempted to run back to her room and maybe do a consult with Mick. His porn really has some good romantic moments. They could have a really solid collab on their hands here.

She doubts John is going to let her go to have someone else write about her feelings towards him for her. Zari doesn't want him to let go either so there's that. "We could date." That sounds so stupid. She tries to elaborate on it. "Not the way people do in the movies or like as a status update. We just hang out a lot and only have sex with each other which we agreed on last time anyways. Do you remember it like that?" She needles.

Zari quickly dives into the heart of it before he can get too distracted. It still sounds stupid to her, but whatever. She can consult with Mick later on grand romantic speeches depending on how it goes. "So? Want to be my magical boyfriend? Don't let the cuddling sway your decision. I promise I won't punch you in the throat if you say no." Maybe knee him in the balls for making her say this stupid stuff. That's justice though.

That feels ridiculously intimate, the way she holds his heart in the palm of her hand - and apt, perhaps. His heart-rate does speed up, his breathing shallowing out; but it probably has very little to do with him being a smoker at all. Whatever she's about to say feels significant even before she's said it, the air around them charged with some undefinable emotion that seems to cocoon protectively, almost as if no one could interrupt this moment without breaking the spell.

Because he's so accustomed to smiling as a deflection, when he's truly happy sometimes it doesn't show on his face. It's obvious in his gaze that he's wholly focused on her and her words, but the rest of his expression remains neutral as much as he wants to laugh at the mention of his chemistry with the librarian. As if that really needed to be said, but he appreciates her narration all the same.

John pushes a stubborn lock of hair away from her face and gently tucks it behind her ear, his other hand slipping from around her back to sink into her waistline. It's hard to internalize what she's saying to him when all of his senses are so wrapped up in how well they fit, something he can't help but take full notice of each time they're together. Date finally gets the flicker of a reaction, one side of his mouth twitching up to match the unmistakable glimmer in his eye. Since he already covered not getting a cellphone, they can't exactly have a 'status update,' not to mention doing so would probably cause a major time incident. Still, what she describes sounds... too good to be true. Exclusivity without the pomp and circumstance, what is more romantic than that? It doesn't sound stupid to him at all.

The dam finally breaks when she gets to 'magical boyfriend' and he snorts indelicately, enjoying the title more than he should. "You really know how to woo a bloke," he praises, voice raspy but sincere. That probably is related to the smoking... He leans in before she can spiral out, sealing his lips over hers in an impossibly sweet kiss. He doesn't try to deepen it or make it anything more than it is, pulling back when he starts growing short of breath. "Yeah, luv, that's how I remember it." And yes, he'll be hers. For as long as she'll have him. The look he gives her is full to the brim with adoration and he holds her gaze for as long as possible after.

Edited 2020-08-06 16:43 (UTC)

It helps she really doesn't have any expectations of him. The pressure Zari puts on herself in a hundred fold. She does wish he was an easier read, but the kiss will definitely do. It melts her heart just like every other tiny gesture of his. She can't help thinking how insane that this feels more intimate than anything that's come before John. The way he pushes her hair back and watches her with those dark eyes of his shouldn't be so meaningful. It leaves her helpless. No wonder they're both so scared.

She gets lost in his eyes after, hers impossibly soft and loving in return. Eventually Zari has to break the hold he has just by a look alone to laugh. She can't just leave that wooing line alone. She is an excellent wooer... when she doesn't care. This is really on him for making her care. "You want me to try wooing you again? Because we do have a romance writer on board. We can take ten and see how Mick would handle our romantic dialogue. Probably something about skinny Englishmen deserving love too maybe. Let's not get too crazy here."

Her laugh lights up his face, the expression easily taking years off his usual rugged appearance.

"You want Mick Rory to write us a love sonnet?" he presses her, one eyebrow lifting in accusation. "I think I'll pass that up, if it's all the same to you."

Love. Even a casual usage of the word is almost too much for him, sending an unwelcome shiver down the column of his spine. He brushes his lips across her temple before setting his head on the pillow behind her, chin resting on her shoulder. It feels good, and safer now that she can't see his face, but he can't just let that comment go all the same.

"...Skinny?"

That look on his face does things to her. Zari thinks she'd do literally anything to make it happen again. What a terrifying way to live. John hides himself before she can even begin to unpack that one. She pouts about it even while finding an excuse to legitimately pout. "I want you to actually say that you are now my magical boyfriend or else I have no choice, but to keep wooing you. Friendly reminder that I am a classically trained actress so I have a lot of romantic dialogue to use at any time." It's all directed at women which whatever. She can change pronouns for him!! Also fun fact she told Nate that so this is new information for John at least.

She rubs little circles into his side. "Yes, skinny. Don't be offended. I know plenty of women who would kill for your waistline. I'm pretty sure North West already has." That last one doesn't sound like a joke. All those kids probably grew up to be terrors.

"Is that supposed to incentivize me?" he teases, fingers trailing over her arm in that not-quite-ticklish-touch he's so fond of wielding against her. Though he didn't know she was 'classically trained,' he could have guessed from their scene, and also the drama constantly surrounding her (so what's his excuse?) His frame shutters involuntarily again at her touch, similarly ticklish the way flawlessly manicured nails drag against his shirt. It makes him want to start stripping down just to feel more of her. "Dark," he mock-criticizes of her anecdote, only vaguely knowing who that is or why she's named after a compass direction...

His lips catch against the skin of her throat as he speaks up again, squeezing her tight with both his thighs now like she might retreat though she's shown no signs of doing that or anything close to it. His voice is smoky but assertive as he forces himself to drop the self-conscious act. She's clearly attracted to him so it really is a nonissue. Maybe it's his turn to woo Zari anyway, but as always he has to have fun with it.

"Only gonna say this once so listen up. My name is John Constantine and I'm the slim magical boyfriend of one Zari Tarazi. And if she wanted me to tattoo that on my arse, I probably would."

The hair on her arms stand up, flesh pimpling at the touch. She swears he knows that's edging on ticklish for her so she doesn't feel as bad about what she's doing to him. It is likely a good thing he is locked on so tight once he gets started. His lips against her throat do tickle. What he actually says is what makes her laugh louder than she thinks she ever has. Zari laughs so hard the bed shakes from the movement. She pulls her hand off his rib cage to bring it to her face like that will calm her down.

She shows zero signs of stopping even as she forces herself to say something. "You probably would." She takes in a few wheezing breaths, grabbing at his arm. "Please don't do it. Your butt is way too cute for tattoos." She'll calm down. Just give her a minute.

He's never heard her laugh like that, so unrestrained and loud like she clearly doesn't care how she sounds or what it looks like. It's ridiculously attractive to him and he shuffles away from her just a tiny bit so he's not crushing her rib cage, laughing lightly despite himself when she grabs for him.

"Oh most definitely I would," he counters, not bothering to analyze how final such a thing would truly be. He has some weird ink, but he's never considered the permanence of putting someone's name on his flesh. People don't usually survive long enough for him to and he's never been one much for memorial. His smile grows wolfishly at the backhanded compliment, craning his neck to turn it on her where he's now resting against the headboard more than on top of her, though one leg is still intertwined with hers. "I think I can promise that, luv, but only if you keep callin' it cute."

Emotional blackmail or something: his specialty. John brings one knee up towards his chest and rests his elbow on it so he can better watch her without turning again, his heart straining in his chest like it wants to break out just from this silly conversation. It's how he knows it's okay to be here, with her; and to settle just a little bit.

"Would you ever get a tattoo?"

Zari doesn't laugh like this usually. It's considered unattractive to most people. The way her nose scrunches up and lips pull back isn't considered cute. The natural reactions she trained herself out of slip out around John. Case in point, she shifts enough to more comfortably support her head against the pillow, not minding how it'll flatten her carefully crafted curls. She rolls her eyes at the blackmail even while noting to honor that. It's very nice to look at, okay? She's shallow.

Zari waves a hand at the question, head shaking. "I can't get a permanent one. It's haram." Considering who she is hanging out with, Zari can't exactly write off the potential of literally being cursed for getting one now. That's one of things she looked into and actually found the evidence that it was legit and not just a rule men made up.

He asked so that inclines Zari to open up and not just leave the conversation there. "Behrad and I always decorate our hands for weddings since temporary ones are okay. Not to brag, but we put together some really cool designs over the years. I'll have to show you the pictures sometime." She intentionally leaves her phone behind when she seeks him out. Zari knows she can't resist poking it. She doesn't want to miss any of this. Just talking to him makes her feel stupidly happy. What app could compete?

He more or less expected that for an answer, but it still tells him something new about her. When she mentions the pictures, he anticipates her cracking out the phone and doing the whole thing before it sinks in that she didn't bring it... which means she really was coming down here to spend time with him. He still doesn't get it, but that doesn't make him any less touched. He knows how much her phone means to her, and if they're with the group he actually enjoys when she pulls things up for him to see because it gives him an excuse to stay in her space. Right now he doesn't need an excuse though and he'd much rather look at her face in the present than pictures of the past.

"I'd like that," he says softly, picturing the henna as she describes it. He's sure it's beautiful but it wasn't exactly where he was going with his question. Not like he has an agenda right now, it actually feels really nice to just bullshit with someone, especially her. "It's not haram to date a wizard?" Asking the real questions here.

Zari freezes not because he caught her off guard. It's the opposite actually. She's a little embarrassed at how prepared she is to answer that. Zari has been very focused on the mission, but her soul is important too. She's never been good at letting things go. "So... I might have dug into that if you want the real answer." She leans in and almost look giddy to present what she found out. The thing about Zari is she really is passionate about whatever she puts her mind to. Nothing is ever a chore to her once it captures her interest. She raises a finger while sharing what she learned.

"If you were Muslim, it'd be a huge issue because I'm going to take a leap here and say maybe some of your spells might be dark. They're haram by default according to our standards." Zari can't say for sure what he does so she doesn't go any further into that. It doesn't really change her point anyways.

"But, here's the thing: you're pretty much an anomaly. No one accounted for a wizard that would wield that magic against Satanic forces and actually mean it. They always acted under the assumption they'd be aligned with Satan. That means that you fall into the same group as Behrad. He draws from an outside source to protect Allah's creation and fight evil that would harm it so his actions are considered a necessary part of his duty. Yours fall under the same umbrella even if the source may not be as pure. It's one of those 'we wish you didn't do that, but understand you might have to' kind of deals." At this point, Zari finally takes a breath. Her Catchat roots are showing. She really did that whole speech in one take. "So tl;dr you can date a wizard if he's fighting Satan. We're really love it when people do that."

Of course she's thought this through - it's actually a relief he didn't accidentally stumble on some dealbreaker for their relationship though he wouldn't admit to the self-sabotage. He's still himself, after all. He listens to her whole speech without interruption, slowly lowering back down onto the bed and facing her with the fondest look on his face.

"It's ridiculously sexy when you do that, you know." And not just because it's about him (and them) though that definitely helps. "And in that case..." John puts one hand over his heart and raises the other. "I hereby solemnly swear to always use dark magic for good... intentions. If that clears things up any."

She doesn't think her heart can take that look. She really has it bad. This would suck if it didn't make her so happy. Zari drops her hand and points out evenly. "I'm always ridiculously sexy, John." That's just a fact!! The rest melts her heart. She really can't stand him. Zari is no less giddy, but it's clear that means a lot to her. Her eyes are impossible warm as she watches him. She appreciates that with everything he's seen and done that John still takes her faith seriously. Zari reaches over with one hand to grasp his face fondly.

"And that helps a lot. I'm citing this conversation if the angel in charge tries to go all traditionalist on me like sixty years from now when I meet them. If they're cool obviously I'll be nice, but if they're not I am going to make them regret the day they agreed to watch me. I have sources on my side. That's why I never lose an argument." It'd be a boast if it also weren't a factual statement. No one outargues her.

"Well, sorry for quantifying it then." His smile turns bemused, only twisting the more she goes on. When Zari reaches for him, he instantly leans his face into her hand, one of his hands finding her hip in kind. It feels so comfortable and right to be like this with her, but this whole speech is almost too much to take. "What I wouldn't give to see the inner workings of your mind, luv."

It really is something to see and admire, as much as he sounds like he's joking. He's realizing he never actually tries to win an argument against her and that's a feat in and unto itself.

"Angels are wankers anyway. Take it from someone who was tirelessly dogged by one."

Her eyes go comically wide. That is quite a reveal. She isn't starstruck clearly. Zari literally admitted to having an ongoing document in her brain filled with arguments she can use at the end of her life to excuse her actions. She still knows that's a huge deal. "One of them actually revealed themselves to you? Repeatedly?" She sucks in a nervous breath and admits, "That's probably not a good sign."

They must have needed him to do something. Every story pretty much confirms that's the only time they'll be popping in for more than a cameo. She relaxes since hey she's from the future. There wouldn't be a future if he screwed up whatever task he was given. "We're still here so I guess it all worked out."

He snorts then outright laughs at her assessment - which is all too accurate. John watches as she cycles through whatever she's thinking about then seems to settle again. His leg grabs at hers more firmly again, pulling her body against his, his nose bumping hers gently with the move.

"More-or-less." As well as anything in his life ever works out. Considering she's his best shot at happiness, it's hard to complain at this exact moment. "He used to pop up from time-to-time and try to play Jiminy Cricket, chirpin' on my shoulder. For all the good that did 'im."

It once again calls up memories of Zed and everything they had been through that year - he hopes he didn't screw her life up too bad, but he's not confident considering she's still alive. His breathing thins out a moment before he tries to elaborate, though for anyone else he wouldn't bother.

"There was this... rising darkness. There's no guarantee it won't come back, and when or if it does I expect I'll see that old sod again. Above and below have got equal pull on my soul, luv, it's always a power struggle. Though sometimes I think it's more about who gets stuck with than who wants it."

Zari breathes out a soft laugh. He reminds her of a cat that she had as a kid. He's always moving all over the place with the constant being keeping her in various degrees of closeness. She doesn't complain. Zari moves her hand down so she can swing her arm over his shoulders. Her eyes fall shut as she works that over in her mind. One thing is clear though: "That sounds exhausting." It shouldn't be that hard. John walks in a very complicated world so she saves that for herself.

She reluctantly opens them back up again to give a positive spin. Zari gently squeezes his bicep. "But, hey you took care of it without a big team backing you up last time, right? If it comes again, we'll just throw Mick and Gary at it. Trust me, nothing is going to want to rise if they realize that's who they have to deal with. Real talk: if I were evil, I'd quit after dealing with our team. The migraine would not be worth world domination or whatever darkness wants."

He doesn't even intend to be the doom and gloom guy most of the time, it's just that sharing any of his experiences is very seldom positive. John takes comfort from her contact, smiling softly despite the heavy topic.

"That's how we wound up in this trouble to begin with..." Does any part of her remember that? He gets flashes - it's hard to separate reality from the time he met up with the Legends to now. "Like I said before, I'm last on the call-list, always." Last resort. It's not like he can blame them, but maybe just once he'd like the chance to solve something before it goes belly-up.

His lips brush hers from proximity more than any intention and they tremble at the contact before he tucks his face back into her throat.

"They do most of the time, though. Look at Nora, she took the beasty's job - that's gotta be a new record." All of this is just distraction for what he's really been putting off and he lets out a puff of air that morphs into a sigh. "I've never done well with teams, but I have my people I can call on when situations strike well above my paygrade."

Except, every time he cashes in a favor, someone dies. It's why he's still holding himself apart from these people, but Zari won't let him retreat and it's as refreshing as it is terrifying.

"There was this woman... I don't want you to get the wrong idea. We weren't... but she was gifted, much moreso than I. Between her and Chas, we got through it. They probably cursed me every step of the way, too, but they're even more pigheaded than this lot. From what I hear through the mystical grapevine, they're seeing my mission through without me. For the better, I'm sure."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject